I Want to Hide in My Room and Cry.......

I don't want her to see the worry...or to ever feel the knot in her stomach that I had when the meter rang up a hefty 540 blood sugar this morning. My first clue when I got home from work this morning was the uber dry lips that she had. We took the older kids to school, then when we got home, she asked for a glass of water. Guzzle. Gone. Then another glass of water. Guzzle. Gone. Or...how about the ultra sweet breath that I haven't smelled in such a long time, but recognized at the first whiff? Blood sugar check. Whew.....540. Gulp. More water Jada? No..but she really had to go potty! Gee...I wonder why.... I grabbed the ketone strips and she laughed.....peeing on those darn things for some reason are SO much fun. Large ketones....not a surprise. Obviously, something was wrong and it was most likely the site. And sure enough, when she pulled it out (which is also a tremendous amount of fun for Jada), the cannula was practically bent in half. Ugh.

I checked her at 3 a.m. this morning when I got up for work. She was 300. Lately, she's been high in the middle of the night, so I didn't think too much about it, just gave her a correction and off to work I went. Jeff always takes care of her breakfast, because I'm not home and normally, I communicate with him through a note on the kitchen table about any "action" that I've taken in the wee morning hours, but I didn't today. Looking back through her numbers, I see she was still at about 300 when she ate her breakfast. If he had known that I gave a correction and it didn't work, he most likely would have changed the site.

Guilt. It's what I'm feeling. Not communicating. Being in a hurry...both of us wanting to just get to work and get our day started. I have fought back tears all morning. Jada didn't want to do a site change...they've been a battle and she prefers Jeff doing them. Big, hot, salty tears rolled down her cheeks as she fought me. And I could hardly hold mine back. If it were an option to run to the bedroom and lock the door, bury my face in my pillow and scream....I would have. There are days, like today, that I just don't think I can do this anymore. But I see how well she does this life, and think...how can I not? And I will.

Where Do I Start??

I don't know where to start since I last blogged.....life has been absolutely C.R.A.Z.Y over the last month. I find myself so mentally and physically worn out at the end of the day that I have no energy left over to blog...even though I have blog material coming out of every orifice of my body!!!! So maybe tonight I'll just touch on a few things then over the next few days, get a little more detailed about what we've been up to.

Obviously, our biggest news is Jada starting on the pump. She started the Minimed Paradigm Revel a month ago. The newest member of our family has been named Pinky.....and do we ever love Pinky. Pinky gets sick, she watches cartoons and reads books with Jada. I don't know how we've lived without her! Pinky, with her ability to upload info to a computer, has really been teaching this Mama some lessons! Pinky doesn't lie....and lets me know where I need to do my homework!!! It's called tough love and Pinky does it well........((sigh)).

We also have a new, wonderful doctor! I wasn't sure what would happen after Dr. Woodward passed away, but the clinic shifted Jada's care to other Dr. who takes care of all the Type 1 kids here in Fairbanks. I couldn't be more pleased. And Jada adores him. We've seen him twice since starting the pump and he has her in stitches each time we go in. Dr. S. raised two daughters with Type 1 Diabetes, so he gets it as a parent. He knows about the worry and frustration that accompanies the management of this disease. He GETS IT! I really need that right now, because I am in uncharted territory with Pinky.

School. Jada started the pump on the first day of school for my other three kiddos. Hello. Could I ask for a worse time to start something so HUGE??? I really don't know if it was the best time to start, because I haven't been able to spend the time "tweaking" those dang ratios and basal rates that I should have. Because I'm tired. ALL of the time! Oh and Jada will start homeschooling kindergarten at some point in the next week or two. I'm not ready to send the big D to school yet!!!

Work. I LOVE my job. So much fun...so interesting. I, yes, I, boarded Snoopp Dogg on a plane last month. Anyone jealous??? haha! :D I had been unsure if I would be able to permanently keep the job as I was hired as "seasonal" but last week was told I would be staying on and was able to bid for a shift. I will continue working my early morning hours 4:15 am-8:15 am. These hours can be exhausting, but they work so well for the family. I worked 30 hours a week over the summer, but this week, my hours go down to 20...which is WAY okay with me!!!

Okay...I need to wrap this up. Got to go and meet the hubby. He's been off delivering a load of wood (we'll just call him Jeff the Lumberjack--kind of sexy, eh?) :D . The wood business...something else to blog about and way that God has provided for our family!

Okay..I PROMISE....I will blog more, I will blog more, I will blog more, I will blog more........

Dear Dr. Woodward

Dear Dr. Woodward,

In January of 2009, we began to seriously consider moving back to Fairbanks. There was something big holding us up...and that big thing was diabetes. We had lived here previously and we knew that sometimes medical care could be lacking. After all, Fairbanks is remote. 6 hours north of Anchorage....less than 200 miles south of the Arctic Circle. Jada had been diagnosed with diabetes about 6 months after we had moved back to the lower 48. We felt relieved that we were in a big city with a large hospital who could take care of her and give us some good tools. She was so sick upon diagnosis, that if we had been living here at the time, I don't know if she would have survived. It would have meant Jada being transported by plane to Anchorage or even Seattle for treatment. So, we had some serious concerns about moving back.

However, we really believed that God was calling us back here....and knew that He would provide our every need and that Jada would be taken care of. If anything, we KNEW how to take care of her and if we had to drive 6 hours to Anchorage every three months for an A1C, we would do it. I decided to make a few phone calls. I found out there was a diabetes center...found the phone number and called. That was the most reassuring phone call that I could have made. You see, Dr. Woodward, they told me all about you and Dr. Steiner and how you both had stepped up to the plate and were taking good care of all the Type 1 kids in the Fairbanks area--because there are no enodocrinologists in Fairbanks. I knew then, that, God was giving us the go ahead...that care was available and that the care was good.

The first time I met you, I was even more reassured. Jada was so shy...and you were so patient with her. You won her over the first time you brought a sample pump out and she held it in her hands....and then told her they came in pink. That first visit, Jada had a low blood sugar and you were more ready than I was. You quickly disappeared into your office and brought back a juice box with Bert and Ernie on it...her favorite kind. When Jada's A1C came back at 6.7...you were just as excited as I was. The next visit when it rose to 8.0.....you weren't critical...you were encouraging...and we carefully evaluated her numbers to see what changes we needed to make. And we did well....the next A1C was 7.6.....and you were so happy with it. When I failed to thoroughly log blood sugars, you didn't jump all over me..actually, when I apologized, you smiled and told me that you knew I would do better next time...that I was busy and that I had my hands full with 4 kids plus a new job.

You were a student of this disease. As a matter of fact, you only prescribed one pump to all of your patients...because you were the ONE person in town that we would be able to get some help from if something went wrong. You listened to me.....you understood that I was the primary care giver and that ultimately, her care was in my hands on a day to day basis. You were my cheerleader and sounding board.

And now you're gone. It's been a shock...I've had a hard time processing it this week. Where do we go from here? Do we give Dr. Steiner a try? Do we go to Anchorage or Wasilla? All I know is that I really would like to have you back! Jada's pump arrived just a few days before you passed into eternity......I was so looking forward to this journey with you. Your amazing staff, however, is pressing on and taking care of all of your kids. I found out today that there will be 2 other kids close to Jada's age taking the pump class with us. Do their moms feel as I do? Like we're starting this journey without our greatest advocate? I know we'll figure it out...and I know that we'll press on...but it won't be the same with out you......

You are much loved and missed.......

Amy

Dr. Marianna "Missy" Boaz Woodward passed away unexpectedly on Sunday, July 25, 2010, in Fairbanks.
She is remembered and mourned by countless family and friends in Alaska and on both coasts of the United States.
Born in Charlottesville, Va., on Jan. 27, 1951, Missy grew up on her family's apple farm south of town in Covesville. She graduated from Lane High School in Charlottesville and attended Agnes Scott College in Atlanta one year before transferring to Davidson College in North Carolina. When she graduated with honors in 1973, she was the first female graduate in the school's history. She and her husband, Kes, who graduated with her from Davidson the same year, were married in 1971.
The couple moved to Alaska in 1977, living in Juneau and Anchorage before moving to Fairbanks in 1981. An art major at Davidson and full-time studio potter during her first few years in Alaska, Missy decided to become a doctor and completed three years of undergraduate science courses in Juneau and Fairbanks before entering the WAMI medical program. She received her medical doctor's degree from the University of Washington in 1987 and completed her pediatric residency at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in Hanover, N.H. in 1991.
Missy joined Tanana Valley Clinic in 1991, and in addition to seeing pediatric patients, served as the clinic's president and for several years as its first medical director. She continued to practice with the remarkable staff of TVC and Fairbanks Memorial Hospital at the time of her death.
Missy was preceded in death by her father, Emmett Daniel Boaz Jr.; her mother, Marianna Wilson Boaz; and her sister, Ada Cornelia Boaz.
She is survived by her husband, Kesler Woodward of Fairbanks; son, Eli Woodward and his partner Becca Lang of Seattle; brothers, Emmett Daniel Boaz III and Wilson Ashby Boaz of Virginia; sister, Emily Katherine Kroehler of Virginia; treasured nieces and nephews now living in Virginia, Texas and Fairbanks; and her husband's family in South Carolina.
A memorial service for Missy will be held at 4 p.m., Thursday, July 29, at Zion Lutheran Church, 2982 Davis Road, with Pastor Susan Granata of Christ Lutheran Church officiating. A reception will follow at the church.

It's HERE!

What else to bring me back to blogging...but our pretty little pink PUMP!!! After what seems like waiting ETERNALLY for insurance approval, I received an email 3 days ago from UPS telling me that they would be delivering a package on the 22nd of July from MEDTRONIC! AND...that it would require a signature...so I knew instantly what it was. Waiting for the last two days has seriously been a little like waiting for Christmas!

I rushed home from work yesterday morning (I work from 4:15 am-9:15am) in hopes that the UPS man wouldn't beat me. And I determined to stick myself to my house like glue so that I wouldn't miss him. We were told that delivery would happen between 10 am and 7 pm..gotta love that! Basically...I couldn't go anywhere! Which was okay, because honestly, I'm rather tired on a daily basis because of the hours I work. Such a great excuse to take a nap. However, my nap was only half there, because I was afraid I would miss the ring of the door bell! Of course, the kids kept their eyes open for me. Jada kept coming inside to ask if that "big brown truck" had brought her pump yet!

5 o'clock rolled around and nothing yet. I had to go and pick Jeff up from work and I JUST KNEW that it would show up while I was gone. I actually asked my neighbor to keep her eyes open for the UPS truck and asked her to sign for it! The suspense was killing me! Fortunately, Jeff works close to home, so I was only gone for 15 minutes. I kept looking for the truck in my neighborhood as I drove so that I could chase him down if I needed to!! :) And yes...I would have!

Jeff and Eli had football and I was supposed to be having my recovery group at the church office at 7. It was nearly 6 pm and nothing yet...not even a sighting of the "big brown truck" in our neighborhood. Jeff left and I called my gals and said that I was moving the group to our home for two reasons....no one to watch the girls AND that pump had not yet arrived!!! So..I commenced with my rushed cleaning and the ever frantic watching out the window for the big, brown truck!! At 6:42 pm exactly, Jada, standing in front of the window, jumps up and down and begins to scream, "It's here....it's HERE!"

I fought back tears while I signed for it....the UPS man was a little baffled by all of the emotion...Jada's excitement, my teary eyes....but I explained to him what it was.....and yet, he still didn't quite get it! :)

Jada could hardly wait to tear into the box...I couldn't either. It was full of so. much. Finally, we found the box that said "Mini-med Paradigm Revel"....there it was....the cutest little pink pump I've ever seen. Of course, Jada wanted to put it on right now and then I had to explain to her what we had to do to start wearing it. She wants signed up for a pump class...like, ummmm...YESTERDAY!

So, it's here. I called the dr. today (and of course she's NOT IN) to let her know we received it and that we are ready for pump class. I hope to hear something back soon...because I'm ready to get going...and Jada is too!

A1C, Lovin' My Job and MORE SLEEP PLEASE!

My training schedule for work has been 6 pm to 1:30 am....leaving me pretty darn sleep deprived and tired. But...seriously....sleep deprivation is nothing new to me!!! Ha. I find myself waking up between the hours of 10 and 11 am...my kids full well into their day and ready for lunch while I'm eating breakfast. I leave for work at 5:15, so it seems as if there is never enough time to get anything done. Today my house is a mess and Jeff may be on his own for dinner tonight. I've been trying to have something nearly cooked so that all he has to do is finish it up and feed the kids. Not today, though. I'm thinking it's going to be left over spaghetti!!! I'll be wrapping up training this week, then a whole new schedule will set in. My main shift is going to be 4 a.m. to 9:15 a.m., with the exception of Saturday, which will start at 5 am and end at 3:15 pm. So, I'm actually pretty happy with it...I get my days and nights with the kids which is what I wanted.

I love the job! It's a lot of fun and so far, customers have been very patient with me! :) There is SO much to learn and so many regulatory things that I have to follow, that it can be overwhelming at times. My uniform should be here this weekend, which is good, because I'm tired of trying to figure out what to wear every day!! :)

Jada had her check up last week. It went great!! A1C was 7.6 down from 8.1 in January. I was so happy about that. Overall, the last several months have gone well. Of course, I asked about her pump...and apparently, the paperwork got lost and is being resubmitted. We are going to stick with the Minimed. And yes...I'm making a follow up phone call at the end of the week to make sure the paperwork was indeed found and has been submitted!!!

So...that's it and that's that. We're good. All is well.

Time to Update.....

Hey everyone....I'm back. :) I guess one thing is certain, if I'm not writing something, then things are going pretty well! We have had a lot going on, so I guess that can be my excuse for not sitting down and taking the time to blog.

1)Jada...that little girl is doing GREAT! The numbers are looking good....maybe more days on the lower side, but overall very good. I will get the true picture tomorrow when I sit down to finish logging her blood sugar numbers which I'm HORRIBLE at doing. We have our 3 month check up next week, so it's time to get my stuff in order! I'm having second thoughts on the Medtronic and am thinking about pushing for the OmniPod, because rumor has it that our dear Dr. has prescribed one to another child!!! We shall see.....hmmmmm.........

2)My job. Since my last post, I've been hired and already trained as a Customer Service Agent for a certain airline that is big in Alaska!!! :) I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday of this week in Seattle training for my new position. This coming Monday, I start on the job training and am SO excited. I'll be working up to 30 hours a week, so it will be a pretty big adjustment for our family, but I'm up for the challenge. A highlight of my time in Seattle was spending time with Jeff's cousins and aunt in Seattle. I just love them so much and am so proud I'm part of the family.

3)SUMMER! Summer is here! All light, all the time! 80 degrees this week and gorgeous. I'm enjoying my kids and the fact that I can kick them outside whenever I want to! :) haha! I kick myself out with them when I have the chance. With both of us working, it's going to be hard to get away, but we are looking forward to the chance that my sister and her family may get to come and see us!

That's it...that's what's up. Summer, new job and good numbers. What more could I ask for? I'm just extremely grateful for all we've been given and the life we've been blessed with!

We Made It a WHOLE Year in One Place!!

A year ago this last weekend made it one year for us in Fairbanks. And THAT, my friends, is one amazing feat for the Lincoln family. We're even in the same house...amazing for us. What a year it's been, too. If you want to see some pictures of our journey north, you can go here. We pulled into Fairbanks on May 1, 2009 after a journey of about 3600 miles. BAD low blood sugars in the middle of no where Canada, vehicle breakdowns, blizzards and a trailer break down in Canada made for a memorable journey...one which we don't care to do again for a very long time.

For those of you who don't know, we have moved an immense amount of times. For my new job that I recently started, I had to turn in addresses for the last ten years for a background check. EVERY SINGLE ADDRESS where I had received mail. 17 addresses. We've been married 12 years...so that makes for a whopping total of 20 addresses in 12 years. Some huge moves, some across town kind of moves. Some were good moves and some of them were NEVER should have happened kind of moves.

You're NOT going to hear me say that I'll NEVER. EVER. MOVE.AGAIN. Because if I do that, I can almost be guaranteed that I'll be moving. However, we have put down roots here. We're making plans for our future here. And it feels so good. I've never had this. This is the first time in our marriage that we've hit the one year mark and not been looking elsewhere at other jobs or career moves with in the same company. Call me crazy, but it's an unbelievable feeling for me.

HAPPY ONE YEAR IN ALASKA TO US....AND MANY MORE!

All Alonely

Does anyone see her sitting there?
All alonely?
So small. So big.
Meter in her hand
God...was this really your plan?
I know that she already feels all "alonely"...
Different than the rest...
Really, though, she's better than the best....
Jesus, give her Your Grace...
To face what she has to face.....
I can't take that "alonely" away....
I trust that You will meet her there...
God...I put her in Your care....
Letting go continually...
Help me show her, You are all she needs.


On Friday, Jada and I went to Sam's Club and did some shopping. It was lunch time and we decided to have some pizza. I ordered, then had Jada pick out a place to sit and had her check her blood sugar. She chose a table in the middle of the cafe area....tons of people on each side of her, but no one in that very middle row. I turned around to look at her, and she seemed so small. So very out of place all by herself. And then she pulled out her meter and checked out her blood sugar. She suddenly seemed so BIG...so old. So mature. And still so very alone in that room full of people. Alonely...by the way, is how Jada refers to doing something alone or being alone.

One of the things I hate most about this disease is how it sets our children apart from others and how that makes them feel. Right now, I can help to protect her and sometimes control things so that she doesn't notice it so much. As she gets older and becomes more independent, I won't always be there. Then, eventually, she will really be on her own and I might get the weekly phone call. I *hope* that I am doing all that I can to help her feel confident in herself..to prepare her for a life of facing this disease by herself. I know the stress and pressure I feel...how will it be for her? This is something I think about ALL THE TIME.

This is what I do know. In my "aloneliest" times, Jesus has met me there. Right where I was....angry, confused, dejected and feeling very "alonely" in a world that kept on buzzing by. My sweetest times with God have been when I was so down that I didn't know which way was up. He was there....at the bottom of the pit with me. I don't know what the road for Jada looks like...I know there could very well be some pitfalls ahead for her and that at times, she may well could.......feel very alone. And I cringe....because I. DON'T. WANT. THAT. But, this is her disease and one day, it will be hers to fight on her own. I know how much grace I need to get through my day...what about her? My prayer for Jada....and all our kids....is to know that Jesus is there....and that He will meet them right where they are.

Goodbye Sam and Coops

I'm packing up baby food, bottles, diapers, wipes and extra clothes. Not my kids, but Sam and Cooper's things. And I'm getting very sad. These two kiddos have become a part of our family since I started to babysit them last fall. Today is their last day here.

Cooper was just a few months old and Samantha was 2 going on 10! Sam is a bundle of energy, always on the go, always curious, and always laughing. There's been a TON of little girl laughter in this home the past several months as she and Jada danced their way through the cold winter months in their dress up clothes. Cooper has been my snugglebug. I've loved every minute with him. He rolled over for the first time on my living room floor and it's been a joy to watch him progress from teeny tiny to now beginning to toddle around on two feet. He'll be 10 months old on Monday.

We're going to miss you, Sam and Cooper! I'm predicting LOTS of playdates in the future!!!

A Little Bit of Catch Up

I've been absent lately. I know. When I'm on, it seems like I catch up on Facebook and just don't have time to sit and get my thoughts together to blog. We're doing well. Jada's numbers for the most part have been fairly stable....with the exception of a HI that we got yesterday, then after washing her hands, we got somewhere in the 360's. It was really rather random....she had been with me all morning and I know where the Easter candy was! And it was nowhere NEAR her! I think the ole' D monster just wanted to remind me that he's still there!

The other big, HUGE change coming for our family is that I am getting a JOB! I haven't worked outside our home since before David was born, so this will be an adjustment! The company I'm working for cleans and caters airplanes at the airport. As tourist season comes into full swing, I will be assisting elderly and handicapped in wheelchairs off and on the airplanes. It will be 3-4 days a week in the evening, so child care won't be an issue for the kids. And....there are flight benefits! :) I start next week!

If you remember a few months ago, my niece got married. Jeff's cousin from Seattle came up to photograph the wedding and posted a slide show of the wedding on her web site. There are a few photos of the girls in there and just wanted to share it. I know a few of you live in the Washington/Oregon area and if you ever need a photographer to capture moments/events, Kim is absolutely amazing! If you want to take a look, go here.

Well...that will catch you up a bit for now. Life here in the far north has been BUSY!

A Shout Out

My friend Rachel at Sugar, Spice & More Things Nice celebrated her four year D-Anniversary this week....her date is just one day after Jada's, so I feel somewhat of a connection to her! I LOVE the post that she wrote in regards to the big D-day and just wanted to share. You can find Rachel HERE.

HAPPY D ANNIVERSARY RACHEL!!

Low Blood Sugar = High Emotion

My emotions are still running high this morning after we had a pretty close call last night. I still feel on edge...you just can't fully trust any number. Even this morning, she wanted oatmeal for breakfast, which usually means no matter how long I make her wait to eat, she skyrockets. Not so this morning...she just told me she felt low and after testing, was 120. Yes...a great number, but she's falling fast and we have another two hours before lunch.

So.....last night. Jada's bedtime number was 142. Again, great number, but I assumed she was still coming down. We didn't eat dinner until nearly 7 pm, which is just too late. Her blood sugar at dinner was 307 and I actually only corrected for her blood sugar....I didn't even give her enough insulin to cover the 30 grams of carbs that she ate because it was so late for a shot. So, when her blood sugar was 142 at bedtime, I let her eat a whole banana....about 30 grams when I typically only would give her half. I thought for sure that would stablize things and then I would check her a little earlier than normal to catch a drop. About 45 minutes after she fell asleep, Eli came out of his room and told us that he could hear Jada "being crabby" and thought we needed to check her. I jumped up to get her meter and then here she came, stumbling down the hallway. Head was bobbing and she was incoherently talking. I grabbed some juice and Jeff took her blood sugar. 50. Obviously in a full on CRASH. She fought the juice, fought the glucose tabs....she wasn't there. Jeff finally just stuck the juice straw in her mouth and once she started to drink, she couldn't get it down fast enough. Then, some glucose tabs. 20 minutes later she was up to 81. An hour after that, she was only up to 99, so I fed her some more and when she got up to 130, I put her back in bed then set my alarm for 1:30 am. Well, there was no need for that, because I couldn't sleep. At 1:30, she was 240, so I went to bed, but never really slept.

This morning, I'm tired. Not even 3 cups of coffee have touched me. It's so much more than physically tired. I'm just spent. All I can think about is the what ifs. Jeff was more freaked out than I had ever seen him. And Eli....poor kid. It really scared him. I found him late last night with a pillow and blanket sleeping in the hallway next to the girl's bedroom. I don't want him to feel that he's responsible for his sister. It's too big of a burden for him to bear at his age.

It's nights like last night that makes me wonder how we'll ever make it through this. Not because I can't do the legwork that comes with it, but because it's just one big monster that's a force to be reckoned with. And in saying that, I feel like I'm wimping out. But, I'm not. I'll never surrender. I just need to regroup!

2 Years

2 years ago today, it was Easter Sunday. 3 of my 4 children were running around our little Texas apartment filling their Easter baskets with candy while Jada lay motionless on the couch. That scene is forever burned in my mind. I KNEW something was very wrong when she wouldn't even attempt to sit up and join in on some of the excitement. Her breathing was labored...she had the flu, so I thought we were looking at complications from the virus that had afflicted our household over the previous 10 days. I loaded up the kids, took Jeff to work, which was just a mile or so from the hospital, and took her first to an urgent care, where they wouldn't even look at her. They instructed me to take her straight to the ER. I called Jeff on the way to the ER and told him that I would keep him updated. At the ER, they immediately gave her oxygen and the next thing I know, Jeff was there. He had ran all the way from work to the hospital. The nurse gave us the initial diagnosis. She could smell the ketones and told us that she thought we would have a diagnosis of diabetes. They took her blood sugar and it was 430....with very large ketones. She was in DKA. I remember them trying to explain to me what it was and trying to understand what it all meant. I thought they would admit her there, but then they said they weren't able to take care of her there and that she would have to be transported by ambulance to Texas Childrens Hospital in downtown Houston. I had NO idea just how sick she was. So, they started an insulin drip and we waited for the Kangaroo Crew to come and get her. The Kangaroo Crew is the EMT team from Texas Children's. When they finally arrived, I knew that Jada was in good hands. They had seen little ones in DKA before and they knew what she needed and what I needed as well. At this point, Jada was in and out of conciousness.....I tried to tell myself that she was sleeping but I knew deep down that we were on the veerge of losing her. The ride to Texas Children's from Katy in the ambulance was the longest ride of my life. They wouldn't let me sit next to her....I had to ride up front and when we arrived, they took her to the PICU without me. I remember wondering if she was going to be alive the next time I saw her. When I was able to get to the 3rd floor, and they took me back to her, I was so overwhelmed. I was by myself. Jeff had taken the other kids home. We had no family....just a few new friends because we had just moved to Texas a few months before. I called Jeff to tell him that she was in the PICU and he was shocked. He had no idea how sick she was. I remember calling my mom to keep her updated and then she offered to fly down. I fell apart on the phone, because I knew that we needed help and we had no one. I shouldn't say we had no one, because the previous week, I had connected with a college friend on Facebook who I discovered lived 15 minutes from us. She ended up taking Mary Beth for the evening so that Jeff could bring the boys down to the hospital. They told us she would be in the PICU for a couple of days, but Jada stabilized quickly and 24 hours later, we had moved to the 11th floor and our intensive training in Type 1 Diabetes began.


That's our diagnosis story in a nutshell. 2 years ago, my world came to a crashing halt. I had no idea what the future held. I didn't know if I could keep her alive, but did know that I would do everything in my power to educate myself and learn how to make her feel like a normal kid. Now, she's almost 5. They told me that around 5, she would begin to really have some awareness and begin to take part in her care. Her birthday is in a month and this last week, she took on taking her own blood sugar! Can you believe that we've only wasted one test strip? It's been amazing to watch. She's also describing her lows to me....that she's shaky, dizzy, hungry....all of those things. Jada even asked me yesterday if she did something to cause her diabetes. (yeah...that was a gut wrencher!) It's like I'm seeing a whole new side of her coming out with this new awareness. 2 years ago, I didn't see this day coming. I couldn't see through to the next few hours hardly. But here we are and it's just the way our life is. Sleepless nights, lows, highs, ketones, sore fingers, shots, a pump coming (geesh..I'm tired of waiting for that approval!), and most of all, watching Jada grow into a much stronger person because of it and meeting some amazing people along the way.

I wonder where we'll be 2 years from now??

March Madness

March Madness has hit the house. I'm not talking basketball, either! I'm talking about this mama going MAD with cabin fever! February was far too kind to us weather-wise. We were ABOVE zero most of February....ABOVE. ZERO. That's huge. We hit 40 degrees. In FEBRUARY. I had my kitchen window open. Sheer craziness for Fairbanks, Alaska. Tempting us, messing with our minds...that winter was just about over....and of course it worked. We must be crazy anyhow to live this far north, right?

And then Spring Break this week. Once again, that spring word. We were hoping to be out and about....doing some fun things. Going to the World Ice Art Championships, sledding, skiing. But no....we were waking up to -17, -20, -8. And to top it off.... a doozy of a migraine (my meds didn't even come close to touching it! grrr...) on Tuesday then add to that a head cold that has just become worse as the week as worn on. Jeff's truck needs a new battery, so we are down to one vehicle until he can get that fixed. So...all of that combined....means stuck. at. home. All week.

And I thought I would lose my mind today. Now...yesterday, the boys did get to go cross country skiing with a friend--for which I am VERY grateful. But today, they were literally bouncing off the walls, the couch, the floor and each other. I woke up in a somewhat irritable mood and it just wasn't a good mix. And if the kids weren't bouncing off of something or each other, they wanted to be all over me. It was just one of those crazy days. Just off. Not right. So, I sent the boys out for a hike. It was around 0 degrees...so they bundled up and off they went. The girls went in their room and played and I breathed in the silence. :)

March Madness is pretty typical for most Alaskans. It's the month that everyone everywhere else is talking and heralding spring. We may have up to a month of snow on the ground yet. However, we've been indoors for so long. In and out of a warm house to a warm car to another warm place. We DO get out and enjoy the winters here as much as possible...but there is a point where it's too cold and too dangerous to be out too long. February this year was great. We were able to get outside a lot...which is why many of us are having a hard time right now. This year, March has been colder than the previous month. February faked us out and we fell for it.

I feel like I've rambled on somewhat disjointed...thoughts scatttered...but it is so how I'm feeling right now. Really things are good....I'm just ready for some warmth and the ability for my kids to go outside when ever they need to go...that even means the middle of the night here in the summer time! haha! Which...all that light we have in the summer....we're gaining about 7 minutes a day....so close to an hour a week. It's coming. I just need to hang on.

Kindergarten? Already?

It hit me like a sack of potatoes. I woke up last Thursday morning with the realization that Jada will be ready for kindergarten this year. She turns 5 at the end of April.....my other kids were all 6 when they started kindergarten simply because of where their birthdays fell. She knows her letters, is writing more neatly than my 9 year old and can color inside the lines. I know those things aren't necessarily the most important in determining her readiness. She's also fairly mature for her age, which I just may be able to partly thank diabetes for (wow- did I just "thank" diabetes?). And she has a curious mind...if I didn't start her in school, it would be to her detriment. I'm not one for holding my child back just because it's convenient. Give them wings....watch them fly. One of the greatest thrills of my life!

We've been a mostly homeschooling family until this last year , when, for so many reasons, we put them in public school. It was a good decision...I love our school...the principal is great...the teachers have been amazing and our kids are thriving. They still get plenty of "school time" at home- Jeff and I are always right there when they doing homework and we get plenty of "talk time"- debriefing and sometimes helping them to "detox" from some of the crap that happens in a public school setting. Overall, very happy with our decision and it's allowed us to get a better glimpse of the community that we live in. That's important to us because THE reason we moved back is for ministry....and you can't minister very well if you don't know the community you live in.

We're also a big believer in the individuality of each child and how that pertains to the way they learn. Our oldest is very visual....he's a reader and will retain anything as long as he can see it and read it. Our second, is very kinesthetic....he HAS to move...he has to touch....he has to DO...and then he gets it and gets it VERY well. Mary Beth is like her oldest brother....very visual and retains things well by just reading. Because we recognize that they all learn differently, we always said that we would always take things year by year according to what their educational needs were...and it's worked very well. All 3 kids are at the top of their class.....we loved parent- teacher conferences a few weeks ago...we got to sit and listen to teachers tell us how well our kids are doing academically, how they are leaders in their class, and that they get along with everyone. Couldn't have been prouder. But I also left wondering, what would this be like with Jada? Would they tell us that diabetes is just too much for her and school? Would they be as supportive?

I've sat and read many blogs and Facebook and have hurt with you...my D-moms- about the various struggles that come with school and this blasted disease. I'm always amazed at your strength and the maturity of your beautiful kids and their ability to manage their diabetes at school. I've also seen some of you deal with obstinate teachers, nurses and administrators who are literally messing with your children's lives...and yet you handle it SO well. I don't know how you do it. You absolutely amaze me.

So now...how do we do this with Jada? It's been on my mind for a long time...but now it's time to make some decisions. The more Jeff and I have thought about it, the more we do believe that homeschooling will be the best option for the first 3-4 years- maybe longer if we want to. We've done it before....it's not a hard or scary thing for us...actually, it's a pretty natural thing for me to do. Our school district has a homeschooling program....so we wouldn't have to pay for any text books and STILL get to choose our own curriculum..and Jada would be able to take up to two classes at our school--anything that we want...but I'm thinking it will be things like music and PE initially. To me, this is a great way to get her introduced to the school, introduce the school to diabetes (the school nurse has never had a diabetic child in her care) and let her feel a little like her brothers and sister...being a part of the school community that has become important to them.

So that's where we are. My baby will be a kindergartner this year....I'm actually having a tough time getting over that fact. She's growing up...moving ever away from me in her independence. I know, it's all good...it really is. We're heading into a new and different stage of life...change is just hard.

A Wedding and a Funeral

Last Wednesday afternoon, I received a phone call from my Dad in Iowa telling me that my Grandma probably wouldn't make it through the night. He had stopped at the nursing home for his daily visit with her and noticed her breathing was very labored. The nurse came in and checked her vitals and her blood pressure was dropping and her body temperature was rising. I'm not sure why...but I guess those are two indicators that death is imminent. She passed away later that evening, 9:30 pm Central time.

I was close to her growing up. I lived three miles down the road from my granparents. I spent the summers between my house and theirs....all the way through my teenage years. Their farm is still one of my favorite places in the world. I helped her tend her garden, plant her flowers, work with the sows (that's a female hog) while they were farrowing (having their babies) make cookies, set the table for her Ladie's Aide meeting, make cookies, clean their glass oval shaped kitchen table with the foamy glass cleaner, play dress up in the very retro upstairs bedroom in my aunt's old clothes, and pretend to fall asleep on the living room floor when it was time to go home. All of that and SO much more. It's quite a way to grow up. And also to grow up knowing that your Grandma loved you unconditionally....was priceless.

I was devastated that I wouldn't be able to attend her funeral. It wasn't the ticket prices or the fact that my niece was getting married on Saturday. Jeff couldn't take work off this week and we had no one to take care of Jada. We couldn't afford two tickets or I would have just taken her with me. All of my family would be there...cousins, aunts, uncles and even my brother in Arizona was driving his family up. I could hardly stand the thought of everyone being together and me missing out....I couldn't think about it with out it driving me to a full blown sob session.


My saving grace was my niece KyLeah's wedding. On Friday morning, I managed to finish packing amidst my tears and we left for Anchorage at 11:15 and arrived at Jeff's sister's house for rehearsal at 6 pm. His other sister, Kristen, had flown up from Little Rock and we hadn't seen her since last March, and his cousin Kim, was there from Seattle to photograph the wedding. Seeing them and hugging them was like a salve to my hurting heart....yes....it was the other side of the family....but it was FAMILY.

Saturday was full....a shower for KyLeah in the morning (my sis in law and I gave her a pantry shower) and the rest of the day was spent picking up the bride from her hair appointment, setting up the house for the wedding and then of course, getting my girls ready for their debut as flower girls! I had NO time to think about what was happening in Iowa.

The wedding was beautiful. My girls did amazing. I can't wait to share photos with you from the weekend...I don't have but a few of my own taken with David's camera...but Jeff's cousin is an amazing photographer and when I have some from her, I will share.

Sunday- we slept in and then spent the afternoon hanging out with family and drinking coffee. That afternoon, we had short family photo shoot with Kim and hit the road home at 6:30 pm. An hour or so into the drive, we ran into heavy snow through the Alaska Range, and what should be a 6 hour drive, turned into a 9 hour drive. Miserable, but we made it safely.

Today was the day of my Grandma's funeral. I had thought that this morning would be tough for me. I rolled out of bed at 8:15 am and jumped in the shower. Got ready and at 8:35 am, I got a phone call from my sister. Her words were, "Well, just wanted you to know that the funeral just got over and we're heading to the cemetary." And I laughed, because I slept through my Grandma's funeral!!!

It's a Brand New Week! *warning* LONG POST :)

I think last week was THE LONGEST WEEK EVER! ugh. It started last Saturday night with Mary Beth getting sick and throwing up her dinner during the little birthday party that Jeff and the kids threw for me. I woke up in the middle of the night, nauseous. Jeff woke up the next morning, nauseous. Forget church, we struggled to get a Valentines breakfast going for the kids and then we both collapsed, and spent the day getting off the couch only when we had to. Sunday night, David started to feel sick, and went to bed early.
Monday, I woke up still feeling pretty rotten but better. Everyone else seemed okay, so the little ones that I watch came on over and it looked like it was going to be a normal week. Well, after nap time, the little girl that I watch, woke up with a fever of 101.7! :( So, I called her mama and they left early. My head had started to hurt around lunch time, but I was dealing with it and it didn't seem like it was going to turn into a migraine. I couldn't be more wrong. I took some Imitrex and waited for it to work....there was a little relief, but really, nothing.....I went to bed and thought for sure I would feel better when I woke up. Well, I didn't really sleep...it's hard to when one is in a lot of pain. I took another Imitrex and again waited...and waited....nothing. I can only take 2 Imitrex in a 24 hour time period. And Imitrex isn't cheap, so I try not to take it unless I feel pretty certain a migraine is coming on. By about 10 am on Tuesday, I was starting to feel better, but exhausted. I ended up canceling our women's group (which I NEVER do) that night so that I could try to get to bed earlier.
I woke up at 6 am on Wednesday morning to Jada telling me that she had a tummy ache. I asked if she was sick and she of course, said no, but then promptly threw up all over the bathroom floor. I honestly didn't know how I was going to handle this. I was exhausted from being sick myself. Her ketones were through the roof but her blood sugar was okay...she stayed under 200 all morning. Around 9 a.m. she asked to eat and I gave her a piece of toast. She seemed to hold it down okay. We took Mary Beth to school and I thought we were out of the woods. I had called the dr. that morning about a prescription refill for test strips- I was on our last bottle and was afraid that I would run out because of the extra testing I was doing. When the nurse on the phone line found out that Jada was sick, he immediately called me back and told me that he would take care of the test strips but then went through "sick day protocol" with me. You know, it was REALLY nice to know that there was someone on my side with me. They wanted me to take her to the hospital, but at that point, I didn't see a need. Things seemed to be on the upswing, and they were okay with that. However, they said if she throws up again, she really needs to go....just to be safe. I told them okay....I will IF she throws up again. So, we ate lunch (grilled cheese) and about an hour later, she started feeling CRAPPY. She laid on my lap and cried and cried. Her blood sugar was in the 130s. Her tummy hurt. Her back hurt. Her head hurt. I knew what was coming....and it wouldn't come fast enough for me. For about 30 minutes, this went on. I sat with her on my lap and a bowl in my hand. Finally, she did it. I called Jeff and told him that we were headed to the hospital. I was expecting a blood sugar crash, because it didn't look like she had digested anything! But she held pretty steady and when we got to the hospital she had actually gone up to 200. I knew that would be short lived and about 30 minutes later, she was crashing but we caught it at 104. They gave her an I.V.- which was NOT so much fun getting that baby in. But once it was in, the fluids and the anti nausea meds helped almost immediately. She turned right around and we were home by about 4:45 pm. Home and tired.
The next two days were spent just chilling at home. We needed it so badly. And tonight I'm still tired. We've been chasing some lows, which just seems to be normal after a stomach virus. This morning before I sent her to Sunday School, she was 155. Lower than she normally is at that time of day, I gave her a granola bar (about 20g) hoping it would push her up a little bit while she was away from us. Nope. When I checked her after church....57! What would it have been with no granola bar??? I can only wonder....
So, I am looking forward to a "normal" week! I officially declare we are DONE with this virus. Eli woke up last night with a tummy ache and didn't sleep much.....so I think he's done with it, too. We're going to Anchorage this next weekend for my niece's wedding....VERY excited about that. Mary Beth and Jada are flower girls....I'm so excited. Jeff's sister from Arkansas is coming as well as his cousin from Seattle. It's going to be a great week.
Well...that was my ramble. :)THANKS everyone for your encouragement this past week. I needed it badly. I really don't know what I would do with out you, my Pancreatic Sistahs!!!

I Guess She Told Us...... :(

Jada is the youngest....our baby....MY baby. The one who is never really supposed to grow up....at least, in my mind and heart. She still crawls into bed with me in wee hours of the morning and snuggles up against my back. I usually don't even notice, she's always been such a part of who I am. She was conceived and then born when our marriage was on the brink (that's another post or two for another day)....it was taking care of her that I think helped hold me together during that time. I spent so much time holding her and crying my heart out to God....it's no wonder I feel such a bond with her. Don't get me wrong, I feel very close to all of my children...this was just a unique time in my life. During those first few weeks of life, she earned the name Jada Baby Boo. It's stuck and everyone close to us calls her Jada Boo or Baby Boo or Jada Baba Boo.....it's just the way it's been the last 4 1/2 years. Until last night.

We were in the rig (Alaskan for SUV)..just the girls and I. The boys were at wrestling practice and Jeff ran into Walmart to pick up a few things. We were just talking and being silly like little girls do. Suddenly, Jada announced that she was no longer Jada Baby Boo and that from now on we would just call her Jada, J. A. D. A., Jada. That she is NOT a baby, she is Jada Leann Scott Lincoln. Of course, I protested. I told her that she will ALWAYS be my baby and that I'm going to have a hard time leaving the Baby Boo out of things! She was insistent and when her daddy got back in the rig, she very clearly and plainly told him the same thing.

Well, I'm trying. I've had a number of slips this morning and she gives me the raised eyebrow look. I remind her that she's my baby and change takes time! But I'll try....I really will.....I'll try to let you grow up.

Featured on Another Blog....

Today, our blog is featured at Sugar, Spice and More Things Nice!! Rachel is a teacher, a writer, a mom and a Type 1 diabetic. This month she has a "Spread the Love" campaign where she is featuring different blogs that she reads. I found Rachel not too long after Jada's diagnosis....she blogs a lot about food (one of my favorite subjects) and living well with diabetes. I will feature one of her posts on my blog in the near future. Jump on over to Rachel's blog and say hello....you'll be glad you did!

And THANKS RACHEL!!!

Midwinter Blues

Here it is the first week of February....and I've been dreaming of the Gulf of Mexico and warm, sandy beaches. :) Okay...okay...I know....I CHOSE to live here....but the midwinter blues have set in. I thought maybe they would come in January like they did a few years ago when we lived here, but at last, they've reared their head. Today was probably the worst. We woke up to -30 and it did warm up to -18, but as soon as the sun set, the temps dropped. Clear skies tonight mean cold, cold weather. Currently the temp is -33! You really only get out if you have to...but tomorrow...I don't care how cold it is....I'm getting OUT.....because I have been in this house TOO much!

Jada is doing GREAT! Over all, her numbers have been good. She's waking up high some mornings.....but it always seems to be when I have to give her something in the middle of the night. I'm thinking 15 grams of carbs are just too much, probably more like 8 is what we need to do. If we don't eat dinner at about 5:30, it really throws her numbers off for the rest of the night. There have been some nights that we haven't had dinner until 7:00 and then when she's going to bed 90 minutes later, she'll be at the upper end of her range and I really don't like giving her a snack when she's that high. Then, later, when I check her at midnight, she needs a snack because she's REALLY dropping. Yes, that snack breaks the drop, but also shoots her up and she stays there. (sigh) Night time has always been one of our biggest battles in one way or another. Guess I'll just keep plugging away with it....now if the family's schedule would just settle down so that we could eat on time!!!

And then there's Oprah....what to say, what to say........ Well, alot has already been said by others. I didn't watch the show because our cable box decided this afternoon that it wanted to die. God may have had something to do with that because I *might* have lost my temper and thrown something at the TV. Or maybe I would have just thrown the TV. I've worked too hard in my 12 step program dealing with anger issues just to relapse because of Oprah! haha!

Seriously, though, from what I've read, it was a wasted opportunity on her behalf to educate America. It's disappointing, but at this point, what do we expect? It seems that Type 1 Diabetes just isn't something that people want to hear about it...maybe because they think they already know about diabetes!!!! And really, they know so little!

So another week has gone.....just one step closer to warm weather for us! :) Saturday marks the start of the Yukon Quest. It's a 1,ooo mile dog sled race between Fairbanks and Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, Canada. We're hoping to take the kids down to see the start of it if it's not too cold. Lance Mackey, the Iditarod Champion will be running. If you don't know who he is, I'd encourage you to look him up. He's one of Alaska's greatest celebrities and just a good guy who has overcome some obstacles in his life. I don't know Lance, but his sister is a friend of mine and it's his niece and nephew that I watch 3 days a week. The Iditarod will be coming in March and then I'm sure you'll hear his name on the news! I'll try to get pictures, but the camera battery dies quickly in this cold!

Well, I'm off to check the baby girl and hopefully (fingers crossed) her numbers will be in good shape and I can head to bed! And hopefully, it won't be two more weeks before I post something again! :)

Bedtime Prayers by Jada

Dear God,

I don't like to poke my fingers. It really hurts sometimes. And why do I have to have diabetes? I mean, it's really like the pottiest thing ever. Some time I just want to wake up and not be diabetic ANY MORE!

In Jesus Name,

Amen

A1C and Other Things

Jada had her Dr.'s apppointment on Thursday and on Friday afternoon, we got the results of her A1C. I knew that it wouldn't be 6.8 again, but was hoping for somewhere in the 7's. We got neither....it was 8.1. ((Sigh)) I know that's not "bad" but still...ya'll know how I feel about it. I shouldn't have been surprised, though, because the last 3 months have probably been our toughest to date since diagnosis. Once again, we just pick up, move on and tweak those numbers where needed.

It was a busy weekend! Jeff coordinated an outreach with our church in an area just outside of town that we refer to as Goldstream. It's a neighborhood in the gold-rich hills of this area where people who like to be alone, who are drug and alcohol addicts like to live- where no one will bother them. For those of you who don't know...Jeff is a recovering alcoholic and he and I lead the recovery ministry at our church. It is our hope to eventually start a recovery group in this area of town. So, back to the outreach. It was a free fried chicken dinner and comedy night for the local residents held at their community center. Jeff cut up 40 whole chickens in our kitchen on Saturday and on Sunday afternoon I peeled/cooked and mashed 50- YES- 50 pounds of potatos!!! Yes...my hands were SORE! We planned for 100 and had between 70 and 80 show up. It was a great time....our friend Stan and his son-in-law Shane did some stand up comedy....and yes they were hilarious! I wish I had them on video...they had us laughing good. We would appreciate prayers from anyone as we continue to reach out to the Goldstream area. Next week we start a video series out there called H2O- it explores what it means to be a Christian- kind of a starting point. It's our intention to be as involved as possible.

Our kitty. His name is Claws. He is actually Mary Beth's cat...pretty sweet little guy. Although, I think I'm allergic and am hoping the symptoms I'm having are due to a minor cold and NOT the cat. Funny, though, how my scratchy throat went away while I was out of the house for a few hours tonight! :( Ugh. I don't hold him, cuddle him or even feed him (NOT my job!), but my eyes still manage to get itchy...I don't think that's good. The good thing is, TWICE I have found him next to Jada and nuzzling her hair and ears WHEN HER BLOOD SUGAR WAS LOW in the middle of the night!!!! We're talking 50's and 60's low! On another night, she came into our room because he woke her up. Her blood sugar was in the 120s....on the lower side for a midnight reading and I gave her some juice. She woke up around 100 that next morning. Now, if I could just get Claws to come and get ME when she goes low!! :)

Oh...on a good note for me...I got my migraine meds!! What a relief. I got into see the dr. on Friday and he set me up. I'm taking Propanalol for prevention (woohoo) and Imitrex for the abortive meds plus Reglan for nausea. I've already had to use the Imitrex....got a migraine yesterday afternoon while preparing the potatoes. Boy...was I glad to have it! The last time I was on preventive meds, I went down to about 1 migraine every 2 months and with the Imitrex, they aren't a big deal. I've been having at least 2 a month, so I'm feeling a whole lot of relief. It's pretty dang hard to take care of a diabetic child when I'm in so much pain that I can't move.

Okay...it's off to bed I go- after I check Facebook (wonder if anyone is on?), start the dishwasher, switch laundry, let the dog out one more time and glance outside to see if the Northern Lights are active tonight. I'll get there eventually!

Dr. Appointment and PUMP!

Yesterday, Jada's dr's appointment went very well. In my previous post, I had mentioned my nervousness because I hadn't followed the plan we laid out at Jada's previous check up. Well..no need to have worried, because Dr. W told me that if it wasn't working...then don't worry about it and do what suits Jada's needs and the needs of your family. I think I had forgotten just how much I like Dr. W!! :)
Dr. W was happy with the numbers she saw in Jada's logbook...as was I after I got it updated a few days ago. The last few weeks have been pretty good for the blood sugar numbers. The 30 day average on the meter was 177, so I think we're looking in the low to mid-7's for her A1C, which we should get the results of today.

The big news is that we are getting the paperwork going for a PUMP!! I was hoping to pick the pump I wanted, but found out that Dr. W only prescribes the Minimed. I was bummed at first, but am now more than okay with it. Dr. W is NOT an endocrinologist (the closest endo is 6 hours away and no ped. endos in Alaska at all), she's a pediatrician who has taken on Type 1 because the need here is big and it has become her passion. She doesn't have a whole team of CDE's to help her manage dosage changes, pump questions, etc....she takes care of most of it herself. So, basically, she decided that she needed to become an expert on ONE pump and how it works. She chose Medtronic largely because of the support she received while doing her pump research. So...you know what....I'm good with that. And....you can now get the Minimed in pink (according to their website) which, of course, makes any girl HAPPY!

So...what does Jada think of the pump? We've been talking it up for several months and we've not always had a positive response from her. I mean, really, at 4 years old, she really can't understand how much this could change her life! If she sees pictures of any of your (meaning my dear blogging friends) kids, she'll ask if they have a pump or if they take shots like her. She's been curious....but very hesitant. Dr. W had a Minimed for us to look at and the minute she opened the box, Jada was right there...eyes big....very serious...checking it all out. She held it, she touched the infusion sets (Dr. W had a variety) and Dr. W showed her how it works. I wanted to cry...because the more we talked, the more Jada began to smile and I could see that she KNOWS she wants one now! It's all she could talk about on the way home.

My heart feels so much lighter knowing that change is coming....it may be a few months away but I KNOW it's coming. Giving her shots has been tough for me lately...seeing the bruising on her arms, legs and little butt cheeks. The other day she told me she could see the little hole in her arm where I gave her a shot! She thought it was cool, but it broke my heart. I hate those little holes! So...the winds of change are blowing a new thing our way. I'm ready to go!

Catchin' Up...Again...

I don't know what it is with me and my blog lately. I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to write...and NOTHING! I stare at my computer screen and just can't get it out. I've even had some blog worthy things happening...but what the heck....can't seem to get it out. I think it helps to have so many of you on Facebook and when the drama happens, that's often the first place I go.
So...my here's my blog worthy stuff.

1. I discovered last week that Jeff and I have been giving Jada different amounts of Lantus in the morning. I know, I know....I KNOW!!! ugh. Over the last 6 weeks, we were really struggling with the "she needs more than 2.5 units, but a full 3 units just seemed to be too much" kind of thing. Well....suddenly, we arrived at her needing those full 3 units of Lantus and when I made the switch...I told Jeff....once. Some mornings, I am up early with the kids and some mornings, Jeff is on duty while I shower and get ready for the day, so he takes care of it. Last week her numbers were just somewhat strange....some days running higher than what I thought they should and I began to wonder if we were going to have to raise it to 3.5 units. I mentioned it to Jeff and that's when we discovered what we had been doing. He had just forgotten...we both cringed...said oh crap....and moved on....what else do you do???

2. I had a BAD moretic mommy moment yesterday. Somebody slap me please! I always leave to pick up the kids from school at about 3:25 and just before we leave, I always check Jada. It's our routine. She was 125. Good number. We are gone from home about 15 minutes total...it's only a 2 minute drive but takes a bit of time because of the traffic. So...we left and parked- oh and also driving a van that we are renting for the week. So, we park..and she tells me that she's hungry. I reply that we'll be home in a few and we'll have a snack. 2 minutes later, she's screaming at me that her tummy HURTS and that she needs to eat!! I look back and she is doubled over in her seat screaming and crying and I HAD NOTHING WITH ME! Left my purse at home because I trusted that number just a little too much and of course, in our Expedition, I have a stash for moments like these! But I wasn't in the Expedition, I was in an ultra clean mini-van! I ran for Mary Beth's classroom, which wasn't very far away and I knew her teacher would have juice boxes. Jada actually recovered pretty quickly and was at 75 when we got home. All that at 40 degrees below zero !! Crappy afternoon!

Lesson I learned? I will never fully trust a "good " number again....even though it was good, I underestimated how quickly she was falling. And even though I was only going to be gone for 15 minutes, it wouldn't have been that difficult for me to throw some candy in my pocket. And in case your wondering why I didn't take my purse....I had car seats to move in and out in extremely cold temperatures ( I watch 2 little ones a couple of days a week) plus a baby to carry in and out of the house as well. My purse just seemed like too much to deal with at the moment.

3. Eye doctor. Jada went to her first eye check up ever today. She did AWESOME! I am always so proud of how well she deals with all the crap that we have to put her through. She followed every direction given to her....never once resisted anything. He was able to get a good look at the inside of her eyes without having to dilate them and he said they looked perfect. :) Her vision is excellent and his only instruction was to bring her back in a year unless we had concerns.

4. Today is her 3 month checkup. I'm a little nervous, as I haven't exactly followed dr.'s orders to a "t". We started off doing her recommendations, but we soon realized that it just wasn't working. We're not using the insulin pen, which Dr. W really recommended, but I now really DISLIKE! She also wanted us to do Jada's Lantus at night...but that was disastrous as well. It was supposed to be a bedtime shot, but THAT was a battle that I didn't want to fight because it meant a 4th shot for the day. So, I moved the Lantus to dinner time so we could mix it with the Novolog, like we had been doing at breakfast. This is when the moretic side of me began showing up... at least 3 nights a week it seems we are off and running somewhere, so meal times are sometimes rushed. I would forget her Lantus and would end up giving it to her at bedtime anyhow. Then there was the night that I forgot it all together and remembered after she had gone to bed. That was when I decided that morning was best...because we wouldn't forget...and really...her numbers hadn't changed because of switching to night.

So...we'll see what Dr. W has to say about all of that tomorrow! I think we're looking in the low-mid 7's for her A1C according to her meter 30 day average...which is 177. We'll see!

Okay...that's a little of my craziness...mostly about me doing moretic things and Jada doing very well in spite of me! Yeah...that's the way I've been feeling lately. I'll be on top of things again soon...hopefully we'll be talking PUMP alot tomorrow. I'll let you know!

Happy New Year!

My post tonight finds me sitting in a hotel room in Anchorage after an evening spent with my niece and her fiance. We left Fairbanks shortly after 8 am this morning and had a beautiful and event-less drive. It's amazing how the weather can change so many times in about a 6 hour span of time. In Fairbanks, it was about 25 below zero and cloudy....a little further down the road the sun- YES- the SUN was out (we haven't really seen the sun for about a month) and when we arrived in Anchorage, the city was covered in a dense fog and it was about 9 degrees. Anchorage gets at least an hour more of daylight than we do, and the sun actually makes it halfway up in the sky, so I'm hoping the cloud cover dissipates and we have a sunny day to be out and about tomorrow.

We're using points to "pay" for our hotel stay and when we called to make the reservation, they weren't even close to full, so they upgraded our room to an Executive Suite. Ummm...nice!!! Jeff and I have our own bedroom, we have a table to eat on, and a large pull out sofa in the living area. The nice part for me was the oversized jacuzzi tub in the bathroom! So...when Jeff took the kids to the pool....I jumped into the tub and soaked my achy, travel worn body for a good long time!

So, we made it to Anchorage...no problems. We're having a great time so far...tomorrow we go to my sister in laws house until Monday. Blood sugars are behaving, although I'm anticipating low blood sugars tonight as Jada swam a bunch this afternoon. Swimming ALWAYS does it to her about 10-12 hours after the fact. I'm hoping for some shopping tomorrow...Target here I come!!!