Sunday, April 25, 2010

All Alonely

Does anyone see her sitting there?
All alonely?
So small. So big.
Meter in her hand
God...was this really your plan?
I know that she already feels all "alonely"...
Different than the rest...
Really, though, she's better than the best....
Jesus, give her Your Grace...
To face what she has to face.....
I can't take that "alonely" away....
I trust that You will meet her there...
God...I put her in Your care....
Letting go continually...
Help me show her, You are all she needs.



On Friday, Jada and I went to Sam's Club and did some shopping. It was lunch time and we decided to have some pizza. I ordered, then had Jada pick out a place to sit and had her check her blood sugar. She chose a table in the middle of the cafe area....tons of people on each side of her, but no one in that very middle row. I turned around to look at her, and she seemed so small. So very out of place all by herself. And then she pulled out her meter and checked out her blood sugar. She suddenly seemed so BIG...so old. So mature. And still so very alone in that room full of people. Alonely...by the way, is how Jada refers to doing something alone or being alone.

One of the things I hate most about this disease is how it sets our children apart from others and how that makes them feel. Right now, I can help to protect her and sometimes control things so that she doesn't notice it so much. As she gets older and becomes more independent, I won't always be there. Then, eventually, she will really be on her own and I might get the weekly phone call. I *hope* that I am doing all that I can to help her feel confident in herself..to prepare her for a life of facing this disease by herself. I know the stress and pressure I feel...how will it be for her? This is something I think about ALL THE TIME.

This is what I do know. In my "aloneliest" times, Jesus has met me there. Right where I was....angry, confused, dejected and feeling very "alonely" in a world that kept on buzzing by. My sweetest times with God have been when I was so down that I didn't know which way was up. He was there....at the bottom of the pit with me. I don't know what the road for Jada looks like...I know there could very well be some pitfalls ahead for her and that at times, she may well could.......feel very alone. And I cringe....because I. DON'T. WANT. THAT. But, this is her disease and one day, it will be hers to fight on her own. I know how much grace I need to get through my day...what about her? My prayer for Jada....and all our kids....is to know that Jesus is there....and that He will meet them right where they are.

12 comments:

Reyna said...

Tears...and there are no words. Amy this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing and for the most amazing wish for all of our children.

I LOVE ya!!!

Michelle S said...

Amen! What a great post, Amy! It's so hard letting our little one's grow up knowing there's a world of hurt & pain out there for them! May we lift our children up to the Lord daily praying for their salvation & for His hand of peace & comfort to carry them in those times we can't be there! Michelle S

Laura said...

What a beautiful post. I am sure Jada will handle it beautifully knowing that she is never really alone. He will be there with her every step of the way.

Rachel said...

This is so sad, so honest, and so beautiful.

I pray that Jada would walk with Jesus for the rest of her life, and that He would use her in powerful ways because of the difficulties she faces.

connie said...

These are thoughts that are also with me often, I wonder how much our children will have to endure when it comes time for them to take over for us parents. I can so relate to your experience in Sam's Club, my family shops there often and getting a slice of pizza is a treat that my girls enjoy on occasion. When I see my two little girls in that big room, surrounded by people and food and children it sometimes makes me sad too. Like you said, in the middle of that busy crowd you have them checking blood sugars and then giving both of my girls a shot to cover that slice of pizza.

Just the other day my oldest daughter said she wanted to be like her daddy and me, "regular" :(

It broke my heart. I just wish I could trade places with my girls, I would trade places with them any day so that they wouldn't have to live with this disease.

This was a beautiful post and brought tears to my eyes.

Meri said...

Amen. Beautiful, and your words are so true. Everyone thinks I'm so strong...everyone thinks they couldn't do what I am doing, but the truth is, anyone can! If they lean on the Lord as much as I do.

(((HUGS))) She is going to be an amazing adult!

Mark and Cristy said...

Beautifully said, Amy. I'm so sorry she has to live with this disease, but she is so blessed to have a mommy like you! Love, Cristy

Heather said...

Such a beautiful post. It brings tears to my eyes as I feel the same way. We need so much grace to get through this with them. I pray the same thing for all my girls, and all the children with diabetes, everyday.

Hallie said...

That is my wish, too. I hope and pray that Avery will lean on the Lord to get her through the tough times. God knows, I wouldnt have made it this far without Him. Beautiful words, Amy! THanks for sharing!

RFamHere said...

As an adult with Type 2, I totally understand that "alonely" feeling. I don't have anyone close to me in a similar situation. Most of the diabetics I know have Type 1 and those that have Type 2 fit more of the stereotype (overweight and/or older) - similar issues, but yet different from what I go through as an average weight, younger Type 2.

Thank you for the reminder to look to Jesus when I'm feeling all alone, whether it be diabetes or life in general. He is there with open arms whenever we need Him.

Donna said...

Absolutely beautiful post, Amy! Thank you for sharing!

Yvette Dorr said...

I can very much relate to your feelings. My eight year old daughter has had D for four years. As much as I wish I could take it way we have also been blessed and many prayers answered along the way.