Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bordering on Burnout

I feel as if I am teetering on the edge of burn out. My fuse is becoming very short (uh oh- time to jump back in to a 12-step program) and my migraines are coming back with a vengance. The day to day of this disease is really getting to me. Last night at supper, I asked Jeff to choose whether or not Jada would have milk. Whether she had potatoes or not and then how much. Those are the little things that day by day wear on my mind and wear me out. I know that I'm sleep deprived, with the midnight checks. I don't go to sleep before I check, because I am quite sure that I would slee[ through the alarm and then I would wake up to a comatose child. That's my fear anyhow. I have had to wake her up several times this week to feed her so that she will wake up at a good number. I'm wondering how much longer I can go on like this.
I started a study at my church -The Church at Battle Creek- last week, called Moving On After Moving In--perfect for me. God has once again planted me in the midst of some amazing Godly women. Today we laughed together and listened to each other- one cried- it was beautiful. It has been a long time since I have been able to do that. I left feeling great- wish that feeling would have stuck! Coming home it was just like reality smacked me in the face! However- I do believe I will develop good relationships with some- if not all- of these women. I'm excited.
Jeff had some excitement at the Cracker Barrel today. Taylor Swift- the country music artist- came in and had lunch today! He said she had an "entourage" and the whole place was just buzzing- people snapping photos and taking autographs. I guess Ms. Swift was very nice to everyone! Thought that was very cool.
I am looking forward to the weekend. My dear college roommate is coming for a visit! I haven't seen Sharlene for 8 years! It was her wedding day- beautiful wedding- I cried- alot. She married an Air Force guy and they lived in Japan for the first part of their marriage and are now in TX. I was supposed to see her last spring, but Jada was diagnosed with diabetes and our life kind of went into a tail spin. Shar has two little guys that I've never met and I can't wait to see her in action as a mama!
Ok- it felt good to vent! I'm thinking that if I'm feeling worn out, I need to cut myself some slack and at least try to take a nap. And call my new girlfriends to come over or to head out for coffee. Jeff has been encouraging me to go to the gym- I don't know......sounds painful. :) I will get through- I will survive.

1 comment:

Jill Johnson said...

I hadn't begun to realize all you go through with Jada until I saw this post. Here I felt scared enough when Mallory got her first virus and I panicked thinking the rash was surely typhoid or something. I can't imagine feeling the weight of the responsibility you have on your shoulders. I remember your migraines at camp, too, so remember what those do to you. I will pray and lift you up, sister. I'm not sure how many years it's been since we've seen each other (shortly after you found out you were pregnant with #1), but you're still my sister-friend! So thankful for Facebook!