Saturday, August 23, 2008
Homesick for Far Away
I have found myself missing my Alaskan life and friends alot lately- almost to the point of tears this past week. It's been nearly a year since we left, but the ache to return continues to grow deeper. It's really hard to LIVE when you think you should be somewhere else. Really hard to connect with people when you don't know how long you'll be somewhere. It's not that I'm not enjoying our move to Tulsa- it's a great town. We have a great church and I really think I will make some good friends here. When we moved to Alaska, I felt as though I was living the life that I was meant to live. Moving away- well, it was somewhat anti-climatic.
However, as I look back over the last year, I can't help but be very thankful for several things. First off- if Jada had been diagnosed with diabetes in the middle of a Fairbanks winter- I can't imagine how things would have turned out. Health care in Interior Alaska has a lot to be desired. They would have had to have flown her to at least Anchorage- possibly Seattle- she was so sick. God moved us to Houston, Texas- in arm's reach of Texas Children's Hospital, among the best in the world. She received superior care while there, and we received outstanding education on the disease and how to take care of her. Had we been in Alaska, it would have made the transition to living with this disease much more difficult.
Second- my grandma. She is in her last stages of life and it would have been devastating to think that I wouldn't be able to come home to see her or to come to her funeral. Grandma played a huge role in my life growing up and I have always felt very close to her.
Third- our marriage. I have spent 11 years with the most brilliant person I know. He has struggled with alcohol and drug abuse (3 1/2 years sober now!) and I have struggled with codependency and anger. We have spent the last 3 1/2 years rebuilding our marriage and learning how to have a "healthy" relationship. This last year, God has taught me so much about grace and forgiveness. It's not been easy, but Jeff has modeled so much grace to me and is so very patient with me and I find myself wanting more than ever to do the same for him. I married a man with a true servant's heart!
So- I know that we will return to Fairbanks someday. I would leave tomorrow if I could. I try to stay positive about it. However- it's only a good thing for Jada to be a little further into diabetes and we have some more experience with it before we take her to Interior Alaska. It's only a good thing to be out of debt before we go back- after all, the cost of living there is incredibly high. I recently found out that it's going to cost one of my girlfriends and her husband over $17,000 to heat their home this winter! It's only a good thing to wait on the Lord- His timing is perfect.