Frustration mounted within me this afternoon as Jada's blood sugar has stayed low! She was over 300 at lunch- needed a shot and I know- I KNOW- I calculated it correctly! An hour later, just before nap time, she was 66! It's a good thing I remembered to check her before she fell asleep! Her ideal, at her age, is 150. Gave her some glucose tabs, then a snack pack- 15 grams of carbs. I waited about 15 minutes, checked her and she was at 90. Good- on the way back up. She took a nap and woke up at 125. Had her normal snack. Then- supper at about 5:30. 63!!!!
AUGGGH! Glucose tabs, huge glass of milk, tortillas and refried beans. She was happy to not have a shot! I was just frustrated- because this is just one of those times that you just shake your head and wonder what the heck happened!
Ahh, oh well. Another day with diabetes. It can be like this at times. I haven't yet found a support group here in Tulsa, but just reading other blogs, visiting other sites, have all been an amazing way to educate myself and to see that we, the Lincoln family, are not the only ones who have this craziness thrown into our lives! I really enjoy reading blogs of adult Type 1's. It really gives me insight as to what it feels like to be running high and running low, what kinds of things Jada will have to face as she grows older and begins to care for herself.
Well- I suppose I should check her. She has told me three times in the last 5 minutes that she is hungry and she is beginning to rummage through the cupboards. (sigh) Always a sign she's low.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Blogging to Blog
There isn't much heavy on my heart to write about. It was a good day. After taking the boys to school, the girls and I came home then took a walk to our neighborhood park. You know, I will say, that while at the park, I forgot about Jada's diabetes for a little while- until we left, then noticed her backpack hanging over her stroller with all her supplies in it. I felt free for a while. It was a good little break.
My oldest niece is engaged. Jeff and I are so proud of her and are very excited as she prepares to begin a new life. She's somewhat special to me. She is my "first" niece- she's Jeff's sister's daughter and I met her when she was about 8 or 9 years old- can't remember exactly. I loved her from the start- she is as beautiful as they come. From the inside out. K has grown into a beautiful young woman and is already an amazing mother. We haven't had the privelege of meeting her fiance yet (they are in Alaska- yes I wish we were there!) but know he must be pretty wonderful to win the heart of K. We love you girl!
I had a "back to school" meeting with Eli's teacher and other parents tonight. It was good- I was impressed. This former homeschooling mom has some high standards and I like what I saw and heard. Of course, I will always "homeschool" to some extent! Eli does seem to be a little stressed out by the transition to public school and is worn out when he comes home at night. I talked with his teacher about it and she said he is doing just fine- she can see some of the stress but is confident that in another week or so, he should be all settled. We went through this with David last year when he started school in Alaska. It wasn't long, however, but he was fully into the routine. I'm sure Eli will do the same.
Well- I need to check the baby boo's blood sugar before I head to bed. She was actually running on the low side at supper tonight, and then we could hardly get any carbs down her! She kept telling us that she was "stuffed"! Of course, then running low at bedtime and Jeff got her to eat a big bowl of cereal with milk. Hopefully that will do the trick! Just you wait- she'll be sky high when I go to check her- love that rebound effect. Oh well. What can ya do?
My oldest niece is engaged. Jeff and I are so proud of her and are very excited as she prepares to begin a new life. She's somewhat special to me. She is my "first" niece- she's Jeff's sister's daughter and I met her when she was about 8 or 9 years old- can't remember exactly. I loved her from the start- she is as beautiful as they come. From the inside out. K has grown into a beautiful young woman and is already an amazing mother. We haven't had the privelege of meeting her fiance yet (they are in Alaska- yes I wish we were there!) but know he must be pretty wonderful to win the heart of K. We love you girl!
I had a "back to school" meeting with Eli's teacher and other parents tonight. It was good- I was impressed. This former homeschooling mom has some high standards and I like what I saw and heard. Of course, I will always "homeschool" to some extent! Eli does seem to be a little stressed out by the transition to public school and is worn out when he comes home at night. I talked with his teacher about it and she said he is doing just fine- she can see some of the stress but is confident that in another week or so, he should be all settled. We went through this with David last year when he started school in Alaska. It wasn't long, however, but he was fully into the routine. I'm sure Eli will do the same.
Well- I need to check the baby boo's blood sugar before I head to bed. She was actually running on the low side at supper tonight, and then we could hardly get any carbs down her! She kept telling us that she was "stuffed"! Of course, then running low at bedtime and Jeff got her to eat a big bowl of cereal with milk. Hopefully that will do the trick! Just you wait- she'll be sky high when I go to check her- love that rebound effect. Oh well. What can ya do?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Homesick for Far Away
I have found myself missing my Alaskan life and friends alot lately- almost to the point of tears this past week. It's been nearly a year since we left, but the ache to return continues to grow deeper. It's really hard to LIVE when you think you should be somewhere else. Really hard to connect with people when you don't know how long you'll be somewhere. It's not that I'm not enjoying our move to Tulsa- it's a great town. We have a great church and I really think I will make some good friends here. When we moved to Alaska, I felt as though I was living the life that I was meant to live. Moving away- well, it was somewhat anti-climatic.
However, as I look back over the last year, I can't help but be very thankful for several things. First off- if Jada had been diagnosed with diabetes in the middle of a Fairbanks winter- I can't imagine how things would have turned out. Health care in Interior Alaska has a lot to be desired. They would have had to have flown her to at least Anchorage- possibly Seattle- she was so sick. God moved us to Houston, Texas- in arm's reach of Texas Children's Hospital, among the best in the world. She received superior care while there, and we received outstanding education on the disease and how to take care of her. Had we been in Alaska, it would have made the transition to living with this disease much more difficult.
Second- my grandma. She is in her last stages of life and it would have been devastating to think that I wouldn't be able to come home to see her or to come to her funeral. Grandma played a huge role in my life growing up and I have always felt very close to her.
Third- our marriage. I have spent 11 years with the most brilliant person I know. He has struggled with alcohol and drug abuse (3 1/2 years sober now!) and I have struggled with codependency and anger. We have spent the last 3 1/2 years rebuilding our marriage and learning how to have a "healthy" relationship. This last year, God has taught me so much about grace and forgiveness. It's not been easy, but Jeff has modeled so much grace to me and is so very patient with me and I find myself wanting more than ever to do the same for him. I married a man with a true servant's heart!
So- I know that we will return to Fairbanks someday. I would leave tomorrow if I could. I try to stay positive about it. However- it's only a good thing for Jada to be a little further into diabetes and we have some more experience with it before we take her to Interior Alaska. It's only a good thing to be out of debt before we go back- after all, the cost of living there is incredibly high. I recently found out that it's going to cost one of my girlfriends and her husband over $17,000 to heat their home this winter! It's only a good thing to wait on the Lord- His timing is perfect.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Two in Tow
I took both of my boys to school today! Eli was finally able to go after getting a permanent cast on yesterday! He was so excited yesterday to finally go to school. This is his first time in public school, as we have homeschooled up until this point. When he woke up this morning, he was so nervous that he couldn't eat breakfast. When we got there, he hesitated to go in the classroom door. His teacher greeted us and one boy even walked up to Eli and asked how he broke his arm. When I turned to go, I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, because I was so afraid that he would see that I was nervous for him. If I know him, he will settle in quickly and have 10 best friends by the end of the day- he won't be able to tell me anyone's name, but he will have had a blast! :)
Now I'm home with just two. I feel a little lost. Not quite sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Cleaning? Cooking? Laundry? I haven't had two in tow since before Mary Beth was born. Interestingly enough, the girls are the same age as the boys were when Mary Beth was born. (Did ya get that?) So here I am again. No lesson planning to do. No corraling the boys and saying time to start school. I miss them both already. I sound sappy, I know, but I really enjoy having them around.
Well, I'm just rambling now. I should clean my bathroom or something. Just feeling a little.....lost.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Break My Heart
Just put my Baby Boo to bed, with all of our normal bedtime routine. When it came time to say prayers, she put her hands on my face and looked me squarely in the eye and said, "Mama, I am very sick." I asked her why she would say that and her reply was "I have dibeteees"(her pronunciation). How do you explain to a 3 year old that for the most part, she is very healthy and that her pancreas just got all screwed up? Broke my heart, it did.
A Good Day So Far
I'm having a good day so far "mentally" with Jada's D. Today, diabetes feels doable. I love these days because I've had quite a few difficult ones over the past couple of weeks. She's doing great in spite of higher than normal blood sugars at lunch time- it messes with my mind, not hers at this point. If I could just not think about it for a few minutes or hours.
Maybe I feel a little better today because I met with our new pediatrician yesterday. We just moved to Tulsa a month ago and put off (laziness) finding a new dr. Even had to call our dr.'s in TX during the middle of the night when she got sick w/ketones reading 3.9. Have a good referral for a ped. endo here and need to get an apt scheduled today. Also, need to talk to some CDE's for some ed classes. We weren't able to get out sick day management class in before we moved- so it was frightening when she got sick and I felt so very alone! Fortunately, we have amazing dr.'s in TX and they walked me through step by step what do and at what point I should take her into the hospital. Fortunately, it never got to that point and she recovered quickly.
It is hard to stay positive! But Ihave to! I think I would go crazy if I didn't. I'm beginning to think that I may have to live the rest of my life wondering if her BG is up/down/okay. In many ways, D. is a very normal part to our life, but mentally- I think the diagnosis is still too fresh and one day- maybe I won't think about it so much.
Maybe I feel a little better today because I met with our new pediatrician yesterday. We just moved to Tulsa a month ago and put off (laziness) finding a new dr. Even had to call our dr.'s in TX during the middle of the night when she got sick w/ketones reading 3.9. Have a good referral for a ped. endo here and need to get an apt scheduled today. Also, need to talk to some CDE's for some ed classes. We weren't able to get out sick day management class in before we moved- so it was frightening when she got sick and I felt so very alone! Fortunately, we have amazing dr.'s in TX and they walked me through step by step what do and at what point I should take her into the hospital. Fortunately, it never got to that point and she recovered quickly.
It is hard to stay positive! But Ihave to! I think I would go crazy if I didn't. I'm beginning to think that I may have to live the rest of my life wondering if her BG is up/down/okay. In many ways, D. is a very normal part to our life, but mentally- I think the diagnosis is still too fresh and one day- maybe I won't think about it so much.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Daughters
It's Monday morning and I just finished doing Mary Beth's hair. So much fun. Will I ever tire of making my girls look pretty and doing all of that fun "girl" stuff with them? I feel so blessed to have 2 boys and 2 girls. After I had the boys, I had three miscarriages. I wondered if even I would have more children- definitely thought I lost my chances for a girl. Boys run strong on both sides of the family and in my head, I just knew there would be no little girls in my future.
Then, I got pregnant with Mary Beth and had an awesome ob/gyn who put me on baby aspirin as a possible treatment. It worked and when the ultra sound tech informed me that we were having a girl, I could hardly contain myself. I immediately went to Baby Gap and bought the cutest little pink flowery coming home outfit that I could find. Done with baby blue!
Mary Beth was born as sweet as little girls come. When she started talking, she called Jeff "honey" and she, ever since then, has had the nickname "Sweetie". For a long time, when people would ask her what her name was, she replied "Daddy's Sweetie". Mary Beth doesn't know a stranger- she is a little social butterfly and as she is getting older, is showing an independent side to herself that, in many ways, has been good. She likes to try new things and do things by herself.
This morning, she wanted to "smell" like me! That's good, I guess! She asked to take a shower "all by herself" (I did supervise) and then asked for mousse in her hair and then for a blow dry.
When we were done, she said, " I don't smell like the puppy! I smell good!" (She packs our peke a poo- Muffin- around like a rag doll!) After checking herself in the mirror she said, "I am soooo beautiful!" Then- "Can I wear some of your makeup?" I had to say no to that one!
She is beautiful. All the way from the inside out. Sometimes I fear that someone will come along and crush her beautiful spirit. She loves people and has such an innocence about her and I wonder how long I will be able to help her to preserve that innocence.
I have been given a gift with two girls. As I raise them, God has put some challenges before me. I am their role model. I am their picture of what a wife and a mama should be. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that my greatest struggles very well could be their greatest struggles in life- just continuing the behavior patterns that exist in families. Am I living a life of faith- depending on God and not seeking approval from men about the way I live my life? If I can- then this will be the greatest legacy I can leave my two precious girls!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Sunday....
Today is Sunday. One of my favorite days. I don't feel the pressure on Sundays to clean the house or do laundry. It's one of those excusable days to do nothing. I take it very seriously! :) Today I made fettucine alfredo, let the kids have soda for lunch (Sprite Zero for Jada), websurfed, spent about an hour on the piano and got afternoon snacks for the kids. They'll be wanting a little something for supper after while, but it's Sunday, so they might just get popcorn. The kids have played well today. Sometimes outside, sometimes inside, but no fighting. It's just been a very nice day. Oh- I did go to church today! Wouldn't be Sunday without church.
Jada's blood sugars have still been a little crazy. Mostly on the high side. We increased her Lantus dose 2 weeks ago and have also gone to a lunch time shot if she needs one. Her morning blood sugars have been good, but then she runs high the rest of the day. Today, she was over 300 at lunch! Then, she had 36 grams of carbs for her meal- absolutely had to have a shot of Novolog. I checked her after lunch right before her nap and she was at 96- that's a good blood sugar for someone a few years older, but for her at 3 years old, it's too low. Gave her half a banana and hoped it wouldn't spike her too much! She slept for an hour and a half and when she woke up, her blood sugar was 136! AWESOME! 150 is her ideal. So- rather than giving her a carb free snack, she was able to have 15 grams of carbs and it shouldn't cause her to go sky high.
Hopefully, she'll be looking good at supper time.
It's amazing how these simple little numbers can play with your mind. It can be overwhelming at times, especially when we are not sure what is causing her blood sugars to spike like they have been. When we were in Texas, we were swimming almost everyday and that really reduced the need for Novolog. Jeff and I wonder if the absence of that particular kind of exercise is making a difference. Jada doesn't sit all day- she is a very busy little girl who runs all over this house. I can hardly keep up with her most of the time. Most likely, though, she is just coming out of that honeymoon phase. Hate to think of it, but it's probably happening.
I look at her, though, and am so thankful that her diagnosis was diabetes. When we were in the hospital, we saw families who wouldn't be leaving with their children, we saw teeny tiny babies on life support and feeding tubes. Kids with cancer. It really helps me to stay positive when I think about what it could have been. I also try to look at it as an opportunity for me to learn how to be healthy and teach Jada how to be healthy- through diet, exercise and by following Jesus. I don't ever want her to have a poor me attitude- a victim mentality. As she grows, my desire is for people to look at her and be surprised when they find out that she is diabetic. I want her to live a joyfilled, God-filled life- not fearing what's ahead, but meeting whatever it is head- on and knowing that it's not a surprise to God. Not just for Jada, but for all of my kids.
Okay- I must go. 5:30 is supper for Jada and it will mess her up big time if she doesn't it soon. I'm behind schedule already.
Jada's blood sugars have still been a little crazy. Mostly on the high side. We increased her Lantus dose 2 weeks ago and have also gone to a lunch time shot if she needs one. Her morning blood sugars have been good, but then she runs high the rest of the day. Today, she was over 300 at lunch! Then, she had 36 grams of carbs for her meal- absolutely had to have a shot of Novolog. I checked her after lunch right before her nap and she was at 96- that's a good blood sugar for someone a few years older, but for her at 3 years old, it's too low. Gave her half a banana and hoped it wouldn't spike her too much! She slept for an hour and a half and when she woke up, her blood sugar was 136! AWESOME! 150 is her ideal. So- rather than giving her a carb free snack, she was able to have 15 grams of carbs and it shouldn't cause her to go sky high.
Hopefully, she'll be looking good at supper time.
It's amazing how these simple little numbers can play with your mind. It can be overwhelming at times, especially when we are not sure what is causing her blood sugars to spike like they have been. When we were in Texas, we were swimming almost everyday and that really reduced the need for Novolog. Jeff and I wonder if the absence of that particular kind of exercise is making a difference. Jada doesn't sit all day- she is a very busy little girl who runs all over this house. I can hardly keep up with her most of the time. Most likely, though, she is just coming out of that honeymoon phase. Hate to think of it, but it's probably happening.
I look at her, though, and am so thankful that her diagnosis was diabetes. When we were in the hospital, we saw families who wouldn't be leaving with their children, we saw teeny tiny babies on life support and feeding tubes. Kids with cancer. It really helps me to stay positive when I think about what it could have been. I also try to look at it as an opportunity for me to learn how to be healthy and teach Jada how to be healthy- through diet, exercise and by following Jesus. I don't ever want her to have a poor me attitude- a victim mentality. As she grows, my desire is for people to look at her and be surprised when they find out that she is diabetic. I want her to live a joyfilled, God-filled life- not fearing what's ahead, but meeting whatever it is head- on and knowing that it's not a surprise to God. Not just for Jada, but for all of my kids.
Okay- I must go. 5:30 is supper for Jada and it will mess her up big time if she doesn't it soon. I'm behind schedule already.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Week in Review
Wow- what a week it has been! It started off okay. The boys were looking forward to school getting started and enjoying their last few days of summer vacation. I was intentionally easing up on their daily chores so that they could play outside as much as they wanted. Monday was a great day! We finished the enrollment process for their new school and on Tuesday, we went to check out the campus and buy school supplies. We had to hold off on room assignments until Wednesday because we were so late in getting registered. Then Wednesday morning came.
Wednesday started off with the kids getting up bright and early as usual. Jeff had to be at work at about 5 am, so he was gone by the time everyone else was up and around. The boys ate breakfast and went outside to play with their new neighborhood friends (we've only been here a month). At about 10:30 am, Eli runs screaming into the house-his right arm hanging in a very awkward fashion. I knew immediately that his arm was broken. I detailed that in another post. A very long day. All plans were immediately put on hold and Eli has to wait until next Thursday to start school. I was hoping we would only have one bad day, but why not Thursday, too?
David's first day of school. He is our oldest at the age of 9 1/2. He is one awesome kid- dependable, considerate, helpful- a very sweet personality. Also athletic- talented gymnast- loves baseball and basketball. He is not incredibly outgoing, a little on the shy side. He enters new situations with caution and tends to scope out the new territory and its inhabitants before throwing himself right in. I really like that about him. He's all about fairness and doing the right thing.
So- Jeff takes him to school, drops him off and it's looking like things are going well. The plan is for me to pick David up at 3:30 when school gets out. Meanwhile, I'm at home caring for a very sore Eli who can't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time because he is just so worn out from the previous days events. At about 3:10 I load up the kids in the rig (thats Alaskan for SUV) and drive to school and wait with the other masses of parents for their kids. Eli was doing ok, actually feeling pretty decent at this point. At 3:30, school is let out and now masses of children are coming out of the building. The kids are tired of sitting, so I pull everyone out of the rig and go to look for David, because there was no way he could find us where we were parked. I couldn't find him. I knew I was in the right spot to pick him up, but he wasn't there. Soon, I realize that most of the kids are gone and that David must have ended up somewhere else. We head towards his building (Eli was being a little trooper in the hot sun) and when we get there, inform the secretary that I can't find David. At this point, his teacher walks in the door and she at that point realizes that David didn't say good bye to her like the rest of his class and thought that he had found me already. We head back to the pick up area, all the while scoping the campus for him. The secretary had sent out a message on all of the walkie talkies that David was missing. At the pick up area, he was nowhere to be found and at this point, the campus principal got involved, sending out more messages on the walkie talkies (people with walkie talkies were positioned all over campus). We head back to his building (Eli was almost to the point of exhaustion) and David had been missing now for more than 10 minutes. As we are walking back, his teacher decides to check in the after school care area as we go to search David's building. About 2 minutes later, we hear her yelling for us and she had David with her. What a relief. There is nothing worse than not knowing where your child is at! I wanted to cry, but held back the tears. He had misunderstood where he was to go and went to the wrong pick up area. The supervisor of that area had shuffled him into after school care when he was the last one there, misunderstanding where he was supposed to be. David didn't even know he had been lost! Other than that, he loves his new school, teacher and class! Now- that was supposed to be the end of the bad week. But why shouldn't Friday be bad, too?
I woke up with a headache (not my "usual" migraine kind, but it covered my entire head and throbbed- my migraines start at the base of my skull and work their way up) and also feeling nauseous. I told myself that if I just get up and get moving, that it will go away. I was wrong about that! Took Jeff to work, took David to school and by the time we got home, I was feeling so sick that I couldn't even stand up. My headache was better, but my stomach was not. I spent the day on the couch. Eli, bless his heart, was feeling much better and was just as helpful as he could be with one arm. He even offered to make lunch for the girls with one arm! He even started movies for them and prevented them from out the front door several times! I kept telling myself that I was getting better, but by about 2 o'clock, I had made a trip to the bathroom- the first of many. I did manage to get a shower taken and my hair fixed- but the smells of all my hair styling stuff made me sick again. It was time to go pick David up. I grabbed some plastic grocery bags, just in case I needed them in the car while waiting and of course, I did. David didn't get lost this time- his teacher handed him off to me! When we got back in the car, I was sick again! Went home for about 45 minutes and then had to get Jeff. More plastic bags, but I did feel as if I was getting better. Traffic getting to Cracker Barrel was awful and the motion made me sick! I have never thrown up while driving, but I guess there is a first for everything- even at the age of 34! So thankful for Wal-mart bags! Finally- I was no longer alone and had someone else to take care of the kids. We picked Jeff up and he dropped me off for some quiet rest while he took the kids out to eat. At about 9 pm, I felt better and cleaned a house that had been trashed by a 3 and 4 year old.
Today is Saturday. I feel better today, but somewhat worn out. Eli feels much better and is starting to get bored with having just one arm! David enjoyed his first few days at his new school in spite of getting lost and so far, today has held no drama. I'm gonna chill today!
Wednesday started off with the kids getting up bright and early as usual. Jeff had to be at work at about 5 am, so he was gone by the time everyone else was up and around. The boys ate breakfast and went outside to play with their new neighborhood friends (we've only been here a month). At about 10:30 am, Eli runs screaming into the house-his right arm hanging in a very awkward fashion. I knew immediately that his arm was broken. I detailed that in another post. A very long day. All plans were immediately put on hold and Eli has to wait until next Thursday to start school. I was hoping we would only have one bad day, but why not Thursday, too?
David's first day of school. He is our oldest at the age of 9 1/2. He is one awesome kid- dependable, considerate, helpful- a very sweet personality. Also athletic- talented gymnast- loves baseball and basketball. He is not incredibly outgoing, a little on the shy side. He enters new situations with caution and tends to scope out the new territory and its inhabitants before throwing himself right in. I really like that about him. He's all about fairness and doing the right thing.
So- Jeff takes him to school, drops him off and it's looking like things are going well. The plan is for me to pick David up at 3:30 when school gets out. Meanwhile, I'm at home caring for a very sore Eli who can't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time because he is just so worn out from the previous days events. At about 3:10 I load up the kids in the rig (thats Alaskan for SUV) and drive to school and wait with the other masses of parents for their kids. Eli was doing ok, actually feeling pretty decent at this point. At 3:30, school is let out and now masses of children are coming out of the building. The kids are tired of sitting, so I pull everyone out of the rig and go to look for David, because there was no way he could find us where we were parked. I couldn't find him. I knew I was in the right spot to pick him up, but he wasn't there. Soon, I realize that most of the kids are gone and that David must have ended up somewhere else. We head towards his building (Eli was being a little trooper in the hot sun) and when we get there, inform the secretary that I can't find David. At this point, his teacher walks in the door and she at that point realizes that David didn't say good bye to her like the rest of his class and thought that he had found me already. We head back to the pick up area, all the while scoping the campus for him. The secretary had sent out a message on all of the walkie talkies that David was missing. At the pick up area, he was nowhere to be found and at this point, the campus principal got involved, sending out more messages on the walkie talkies (people with walkie talkies were positioned all over campus). We head back to his building (Eli was almost to the point of exhaustion) and David had been missing now for more than 10 minutes. As we are walking back, his teacher decides to check in the after school care area as we go to search David's building. About 2 minutes later, we hear her yelling for us and she had David with her. What a relief. There is nothing worse than not knowing where your child is at! I wanted to cry, but held back the tears. He had misunderstood where he was to go and went to the wrong pick up area. The supervisor of that area had shuffled him into after school care when he was the last one there, misunderstanding where he was supposed to be. David didn't even know he had been lost! Other than that, he loves his new school, teacher and class! Now- that was supposed to be the end of the bad week. But why shouldn't Friday be bad, too?
I woke up with a headache (not my "usual" migraine kind, but it covered my entire head and throbbed- my migraines start at the base of my skull and work their way up) and also feeling nauseous. I told myself that if I just get up and get moving, that it will go away. I was wrong about that! Took Jeff to work, took David to school and by the time we got home, I was feeling so sick that I couldn't even stand up. My headache was better, but my stomach was not. I spent the day on the couch. Eli, bless his heart, was feeling much better and was just as helpful as he could be with one arm. He even offered to make lunch for the girls with one arm! He even started movies for them and prevented them from out the front door several times! I kept telling myself that I was getting better, but by about 2 o'clock, I had made a trip to the bathroom- the first of many. I did manage to get a shower taken and my hair fixed- but the smells of all my hair styling stuff made me sick again. It was time to go pick David up. I grabbed some plastic grocery bags, just in case I needed them in the car while waiting and of course, I did. David didn't get lost this time- his teacher handed him off to me! When we got back in the car, I was sick again! Went home for about 45 minutes and then had to get Jeff. More plastic bags, but I did feel as if I was getting better. Traffic getting to Cracker Barrel was awful and the motion made me sick! I have never thrown up while driving, but I guess there is a first for everything- even at the age of 34! So thankful for Wal-mart bags! Finally- I was no longer alone and had someone else to take care of the kids. We picked Jeff up and he dropped me off for some quiet rest while he took the kids out to eat. At about 9 pm, I felt better and cleaned a house that had been trashed by a 3 and 4 year old.
Today is Saturday. I feel better today, but somewhat worn out. Eli feels much better and is starting to get bored with having just one arm! David enjoyed his first few days at his new school in spite of getting lost and so far, today has held no drama. I'm gonna chill today!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Hospital Again....
Yesterday sent our family to the local ER again! Not for Jada this time, but for our 8 year old boy, Eli. He was outside playing on his skateboard when he hit the curb and broke his arm. Compound fracture. He came running in the house screaming and I knew immediately he wasn't being overly dramatic, as he can be sometimes. The arm was bent the wrong way and there was blood on his shirt sleeve. I'm more than a tad bit squeamish and was so happy he had chosen to wear a long sleaved shirt yesterday. I was afraid that his bone had penetrated the skin and when my husband took him to the hospital, sure enough, it had. He was in surgery for an hour to reset it and had to have a pin put in. Poor little guy. Felt so bad for him.
Eli is one of those kids that people are drawn to and has such an outgoing personality. He is a very talented gymnast (guess we'll have to put that on the shelf for a while!) and would like to be Bear Grylls (Man vs Wild) when he grows up. He's just a fun kid with a spunky personality. He hates to sit and watch tv all day, so this having to sit around for a few days hasn't sat real well with him. After about 30 minutes of tv today, he told me he had enough of it and asked to turn it off. Gotta love a kid who hates the tv. He's so busy.
Eli was one of my biggest babies. He came out loving to eat- he still does and he will eat almost anything you put in front of him with Tabasco sauce on top. That kid gained a pound over his birthweight 5 days after he was born. My only memories of Eli's first 6 weeks are nursing and changing diapers. He wasn't a fussy baby, but he just came out a little firecracker.
In some ways, this injury is nice (isn't that awful?) because he needs me once again. So nice to feel needed by one of my boys. Of course, he can't do nearly anything by himself right now with one hand and my day was spent cutting up his food, helping him to sit up, adjusting his sling, getting him to the correct website to play his favorite games with one hand, all kinds of things.
Well- these past two days have made me so tired that my eyes are shutting as I type. I'll have to do this tomorrow.
Good Night.
Eli is one of those kids that people are drawn to and has such an outgoing personality. He is a very talented gymnast (guess we'll have to put that on the shelf for a while!) and would like to be Bear Grylls (Man vs Wild) when he grows up. He's just a fun kid with a spunky personality. He hates to sit and watch tv all day, so this having to sit around for a few days hasn't sat real well with him. After about 30 minutes of tv today, he told me he had enough of it and asked to turn it off. Gotta love a kid who hates the tv. He's so busy.
Eli was one of my biggest babies. He came out loving to eat- he still does and he will eat almost anything you put in front of him with Tabasco sauce on top. That kid gained a pound over his birthweight 5 days after he was born. My only memories of Eli's first 6 weeks are nursing and changing diapers. He wasn't a fussy baby, but he just came out a little firecracker.
In some ways, this injury is nice (isn't that awful?) because he needs me once again. So nice to feel needed by one of my boys. Of course, he can't do nearly anything by himself right now with one hand and my day was spent cutting up his food, helping him to sit up, adjusting his sling, getting him to the correct website to play his favorite games with one hand, all kinds of things.
Well- these past two days have made me so tired that my eyes are shutting as I type. I'll have to do this tomorrow.
Good Night.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Ups and Downs
Jada baffled me today with some strange blood sugar readings. She was high at lunch, but we decided not to give her a shot. At snack time she was lower than she should be, supper was a good reading and she didn't need a shot. She had about 20 grams of carbs- then at her bedtime snack- she was only at 96 and in order to get through the night without bottoming out- she really needs to be above 150 and maybe even have up to 30 grams of carbs for her bedtime snack. Tonight, she got to have a big bowl of ice cream and then, I let her have some bread and butter. It scares me to think that she could go so low at night from her insulin, that she may slip into a diabetic coma.
These days that she swings so much is difficult. For me, yes, as I wonder what is going on inside of her little body- but much more difficult for her. She is just not herself. She gets moody. A 3 year old shouldn't have to complain about headaches, but when she gets too high, she gets a headache. She can't seem to relax- forget about a good nap which she desperately needs at this age. I need her naps, too! She's such a busy little girl!
One of these days, we'll get her straightened out and I will figure out what's making her swing so much right now.
In other Lincoln family news, we got a piano today. I am so glad for this as playing is such a stress release for me. The piano was free off of Craig's list and was in pretty good shape until we got a hold of it! It had a rough homecoming, to say the least. It still sounds great, it's just a little more beat up. It fell over in the trailer on the way home and we had a horrible time getting it set back up- they are just a tad bit heavy! The top got a little (ok- alot) banged up. But it still sounds great. I can't wait to get my music out!
These days that she swings so much is difficult. For me, yes, as I wonder what is going on inside of her little body- but much more difficult for her. She is just not herself. She gets moody. A 3 year old shouldn't have to complain about headaches, but when she gets too high, she gets a headache. She can't seem to relax- forget about a good nap which she desperately needs at this age. I need her naps, too! She's such a busy little girl!
One of these days, we'll get her straightened out and I will figure out what's making her swing so much right now.
In other Lincoln family news, we got a piano today. I am so glad for this as playing is such a stress release for me. The piano was free off of Craig's list and was in pretty good shape until we got a hold of it! It had a rough homecoming, to say the least. It still sounds great, it's just a little more beat up. It fell over in the trailer on the way home and we had a horrible time getting it set back up- they are just a tad bit heavy! The top got a little (ok- alot) banged up. But it still sounds great. I can't wait to get my music out!
Authenticity
We often hear the word "authenticity" in our walk with God. Usually, it's in reference to our aquaintances and unsaved friends. We want them to see the real deal, what it means to be a follower of Jesus. In my experience, talking about myself- not others, it's easy to put on a big show of being "authentic". Appearances are easy to make- letting others think that we have it all together.
However, where the rubber meets the road, so to speak, is in my family. My kids and my husband see the "real" me. More than anything, I want my kids to see me being authentic and real to them about my relationship with Jesus. Do my words and my actions mesh together? Am I living in unity with Jeff? Am I extending grace to my kids and also disciplining them appropriately? Are the words that I speak to them life giving or do I kill a part of their spirit if I get annoyed or frustrated with them? They will get their picture of God from Jeff and I. The grace that I have experienced in my life from God is unmeasurable- I don't deserve the gifts He has gvien me- should I not extend this grace to my children as well?
The battle I fight the most is my temper (I hid this well from those outside our family for many years-I'm getting very real here) and also shortness with my kids. A good friend of mine also struggles with this and she once gave a talk on the words we speak to our children- how they can breathe life into our children or how we can suck the air right out of them. I have failed miserably at this and now pray that God's grace will be sufficient for them as they grow and someday have to face the wounds that I have inflicted. Jeff is so patient with me in this area and has always been very slow to anger- not just with the kids, but to me as well! I often feel I don't deserve this kind of patience!
One thing I have learned, that when we try to fight battles secretly, the enemy wins. There is a verse in James that says, "Confess your sins to one another, so that you may be healed". This is so true! When I am out of fellowship and accountability, I fail. And I don't just hurt myself- I hurt my family. How can I go and put on a happy face in public, when not only I'm miserable, but my family is miserable. What does this teach my children? This teaches my children that it's ok to lie about how things really are and it's better to be a poser. I want to teach them grace and forgiveness. That we can only reach others when we are authentic to the point of putting all of our shortcomings out there and receiving grace from our brothers and sisters and from our Heavenly Father.
However, where the rubber meets the road, so to speak, is in my family. My kids and my husband see the "real" me. More than anything, I want my kids to see me being authentic and real to them about my relationship with Jesus. Do my words and my actions mesh together? Am I living in unity with Jeff? Am I extending grace to my kids and also disciplining them appropriately? Are the words that I speak to them life giving or do I kill a part of their spirit if I get annoyed or frustrated with them? They will get their picture of God from Jeff and I. The grace that I have experienced in my life from God is unmeasurable- I don't deserve the gifts He has gvien me- should I not extend this grace to my children as well?
The battle I fight the most is my temper (I hid this well from those outside our family for many years-I'm getting very real here) and also shortness with my kids. A good friend of mine also struggles with this and she once gave a talk on the words we speak to our children- how they can breathe life into our children or how we can suck the air right out of them. I have failed miserably at this and now pray that God's grace will be sufficient for them as they grow and someday have to face the wounds that I have inflicted. Jeff is so patient with me in this area and has always been very slow to anger- not just with the kids, but to me as well! I often feel I don't deserve this kind of patience!
One thing I have learned, that when we try to fight battles secretly, the enemy wins. There is a verse in James that says, "Confess your sins to one another, so that you may be healed". This is so true! When I am out of fellowship and accountability, I fail. And I don't just hurt myself- I hurt my family. How can I go and put on a happy face in public, when not only I'm miserable, but my family is miserable. What does this teach my children? This teaches my children that it's ok to lie about how things really are and it's better to be a poser. I want to teach them grace and forgiveness. That we can only reach others when we are authentic to the point of putting all of our shortcomings out there and receiving grace from our brothers and sisters and from our Heavenly Father.
Monday, August 11, 2008
The Honeymoon is Over
The honeymoon is over is over for my sweet 3 year old. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes on March 23 of this year- Easter Sunday. Until now, her blood sugar has remained steady and manageable, most days, only getting one injection of insulin at breakfast time. The last few weeks, we have seen a dramatic rise in her blood sugar at lunch time and in the afternoon. We knew it would happen, but hoped her honeymoon stage would last longer. Yesterday, I gave her the first lunch time injection. It brought tremendous sadness to me as I realized that as she grows and gets older, the more insulin she will have to take and the harder it may be to manage this chronic disease.
Jada is our fourth child- the baby of the family. The most strong-willed one of them all. She has infectious laughter and loves to cuddle. Her nickname, given to her at birth, is Baby Boo. We still call her Baby Boo, Jada Boo or Jada Baby Boo. Her various cousins have made up their own versions of her name. She is a mama's girl and loves to play with my hair- it's her '"security blanket" of sorts. And of course, she is a Princess. She loves to play dress up and often calls herself, "Sally the Princess from the Land of the Slippers". She made that up herself and I have no idea where she got it from, other than her own fertile imagination.
Our journey with Type 1 Diabetes is much the same as others I have met. Jada was presenting symptoms several weeks before she got seriously ill and of course, I had no clue. I wondered about some of her behaviors and even mentioned them to others, but still just chalked it up to the varying behaviors that toddlers have. She was constantly asking for a drink, waking up at night to go to the bathroom, soaking through her pullups when she couldn't make it to the bathroom. Hindsight is 20/20. If I had known what to watch for, she wouldn't have ended up in critical condition.
A week or so before Easter, our family got the flu. Not just a stomach virus- but the real thing. Fever lasting several days, body aches- some vomiting, but that wasn't the main thing. I thought Jada had escaped it, but on Good Friday, she woke up with a fever. She slept most of they day and I prepared for a few days of illness with her. On Saturday, she just looked bad and I thought maybe she was at the peak of the flu. However, Saturday night, she began to breathe quite heavily. At first, I thought it was just the flu. Kids tend to be heavy breathers when they have a fever. She threw up twice during the night and I began to wonder if there was more going on. So now, it's Easter Sunday morning. Jada's siblings are gathering their jelly beans and Jada won't even sit up and her breathing is getting heavier. We decide to take her to an Urgent Care center and when we arrive, they sent us on to the ER. Now- if any of you have ever had a critically ill child, you know the feelings I was having. Scared- out of control and just wanting them to fix my baby and send us home. Tell me that she's going to be ok. The ER nurses knew almost immediately what was wrong. They could tell by the way she smelled- kind of a fruity smell- from the toxins being emitted inside her body. Jada was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Ok - I thought- she's diabetic. They'll admit her to the hospital, spend a few days, we'll learn about diabetes and go home. NO. She had to be transported to Texas Children's Hospital by ambulance. I couldn't get my mind around the fact that she was in critical condition. At this point, she was beginning to go in and out of conciousness and her hands were becoming very rigid. The Kangaroo Crew (the pediatric ambulance crew from Texas Children's) arrived with in about an hour of us being in the ER and not only took care of her, but began to provide tremendous emotional support to me. It took us about 45 minutes driving from Katy to downtown Houston. They took her to the pediatric ICU and all this time- I'm still not comprehending how serious this is. When I finally saw her in that big bed, hooked up to i.v.'s and oxygen, it began to sink in. We were on the verge of losing her.
I called my husband, who had taken the other kids home, and he was dumbfounded when I told him that she was in Intensive Care. Neither of us had realized the gravity of the situation. It was a long night in ICU, but she began to respond to the insulin they were giving her, but she was still quite toxic. Because her body could not burn sugar, it was burning fat for energy and when that fat is burned, it gives off an acid called ketones and the only way for the body to dispel of them is through urine and through breathing- why she smelled "fruity". Think of fingernail polish remover- that' s what her breath smelled like. Insulin also takes care of ketones, so gradually, her ketones began to improve. She had the flu on top of it, so she was one sick little girl.
We spent four and a half days in the hospital and got a good education on diabetes. Texas Children's hospital is an amazing place! I am grateful for the care Jada received and how they came around our family during this crisis.
I look back at our time in the hospital and often wonder how I made it through that week without falling apart. God had us in His hand that whole week- and still does. He knew from the moment that Jada was conceived and before, that diabetes was to be part of her life. I have often found myself wondering why her? Why our family? I do believe that God brings things to our life to help and comfort others. I take great comfort in knowing Who is in control of this life I live and Who holds my daughter in His hands. I trust Him completely with her.
So- the honeymoon I was speaking of is over. The honeymoon phase happens when the pancreas begins to work again temporarily because of the help it is receiving from the insulin she takes. Evidently, her body has finally killed of those last remaining cells. It is full on diabetes from here on iout. But that's ok. I knew the honeymoon wouldn't last and we will meet it head on- full speed ahead. My Baby Boo will be ok and my heart will probably always hurt for her because of the challenges she may face, but I will be ok, too. I will have my moments of panic, and My Father will take me through it all once again- reminding me of Who holds our hands and guides us through those dark times.
Jada is our fourth child- the baby of the family. The most strong-willed one of them all. She has infectious laughter and loves to cuddle. Her nickname, given to her at birth, is Baby Boo. We still call her Baby Boo, Jada Boo or Jada Baby Boo. Her various cousins have made up their own versions of her name. She is a mama's girl and loves to play with my hair- it's her '"security blanket" of sorts. And of course, she is a Princess. She loves to play dress up and often calls herself, "Sally the Princess from the Land of the Slippers". She made that up herself and I have no idea where she got it from, other than her own fertile imagination.
Our journey with Type 1 Diabetes is much the same as others I have met. Jada was presenting symptoms several weeks before she got seriously ill and of course, I had no clue. I wondered about some of her behaviors and even mentioned them to others, but still just chalked it up to the varying behaviors that toddlers have. She was constantly asking for a drink, waking up at night to go to the bathroom, soaking through her pullups when she couldn't make it to the bathroom. Hindsight is 20/20. If I had known what to watch for, she wouldn't have ended up in critical condition.
A week or so before Easter, our family got the flu. Not just a stomach virus- but the real thing. Fever lasting several days, body aches- some vomiting, but that wasn't the main thing. I thought Jada had escaped it, but on Good Friday, she woke up with a fever. She slept most of they day and I prepared for a few days of illness with her. On Saturday, she just looked bad and I thought maybe she was at the peak of the flu. However, Saturday night, she began to breathe quite heavily. At first, I thought it was just the flu. Kids tend to be heavy breathers when they have a fever. She threw up twice during the night and I began to wonder if there was more going on. So now, it's Easter Sunday morning. Jada's siblings are gathering their jelly beans and Jada won't even sit up and her breathing is getting heavier. We decide to take her to an Urgent Care center and when we arrive, they sent us on to the ER. Now- if any of you have ever had a critically ill child, you know the feelings I was having. Scared- out of control and just wanting them to fix my baby and send us home. Tell me that she's going to be ok. The ER nurses knew almost immediately what was wrong. They could tell by the way she smelled- kind of a fruity smell- from the toxins being emitted inside her body. Jada was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Ok - I thought- she's diabetic. They'll admit her to the hospital, spend a few days, we'll learn about diabetes and go home. NO. She had to be transported to Texas Children's Hospital by ambulance. I couldn't get my mind around the fact that she was in critical condition. At this point, she was beginning to go in and out of conciousness and her hands were becoming very rigid. The Kangaroo Crew (the pediatric ambulance crew from Texas Children's) arrived with in about an hour of us being in the ER and not only took care of her, but began to provide tremendous emotional support to me. It took us about 45 minutes driving from Katy to downtown Houston. They took her to the pediatric ICU and all this time- I'm still not comprehending how serious this is. When I finally saw her in that big bed, hooked up to i.v.'s and oxygen, it began to sink in. We were on the verge of losing her.
I called my husband, who had taken the other kids home, and he was dumbfounded when I told him that she was in Intensive Care. Neither of us had realized the gravity of the situation. It was a long night in ICU, but she began to respond to the insulin they were giving her, but she was still quite toxic. Because her body could not burn sugar, it was burning fat for energy and when that fat is burned, it gives off an acid called ketones and the only way for the body to dispel of them is through urine and through breathing- why she smelled "fruity". Think of fingernail polish remover- that' s what her breath smelled like. Insulin also takes care of ketones, so gradually, her ketones began to improve. She had the flu on top of it, so she was one sick little girl.
We spent four and a half days in the hospital and got a good education on diabetes. Texas Children's hospital is an amazing place! I am grateful for the care Jada received and how they came around our family during this crisis.
I look back at our time in the hospital and often wonder how I made it through that week without falling apart. God had us in His hand that whole week- and still does. He knew from the moment that Jada was conceived and before, that diabetes was to be part of her life. I have often found myself wondering why her? Why our family? I do believe that God brings things to our life to help and comfort others. I take great comfort in knowing Who is in control of this life I live and Who holds my daughter in His hands. I trust Him completely with her.
So- the honeymoon I was speaking of is over. The honeymoon phase happens when the pancreas begins to work again temporarily because of the help it is receiving from the insulin she takes. Evidently, her body has finally killed of those last remaining cells. It is full on diabetes from here on iout. But that's ok. I knew the honeymoon wouldn't last and we will meet it head on- full speed ahead. My Baby Boo will be ok and my heart will probably always hurt for her because of the challenges she may face, but I will be ok, too. I will have my moments of panic, and My Father will take me through it all once again- reminding me of Who holds our hands and guides us through those dark times.
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