Worn Out

I do believe that I am just about as physically and emotionally spent as I have been in a long time.  It's been a tough week with Jada being sick and Jeff working extra long days and only having one day off.  Jada slept all night last night- the first night all week long and I didn't have to wake her to give her a snack.  She needed the rest and so did I.  However, I feel more tired today than I did yesterday and feel a sore throat coming on.  I'm really hoping I don't get what she had.

Jeff has been working his tail off.  He is the general manager of a national chain restaurant and it is one of the messiest situations he's ever stepped into.  He's somewhat "gifted" in trouble -shooting restaurants, so he's seen his fair share of bad and this is BAD!  It's also Alaska- which brings it's own unique set of issues.  For some reason, businesses up here seem to have a lower standard for the way they do things.  And- there is very little competition, so it's easy for them to get away with poor service.  There are a host of other issues besides poor service which I could go on and on about but had better not share on a public blog!  He is seeing a quick turn around in some areas- like the quality of service given to his customers but there are other things that will take longer.  So- he is having to put in a lot of time right now.  We knew that would be the case when we came, but it doesn't make it any easier to get through this time.  I am SO thankful that we have the support of friends here!

On a cool note- we had an EARTHQUAKE tonight!  It was a magnitude of 3.7 and it REALLY shook our house good!  I had just put the kids to bed and sat down to blog and I heard a very low rumbling noise and then the couch began to shake up and down!  The kids came running out of their room terrified- they hadn't figured out what it was and then when I told them- they were SO excited! LOL!    We had one last week, but it was in the middle of the night and it didn't wake me up.  As long as they are small quakes they don't bother me- nothing big please!

Well- the house is quiet.  The kids are finally falling asleep- that earthquake got them going!  I think I'm going to find a movie and wait for my hubby to come home.

Vigilance

I'm sitting here- wishing I could go to bed, but need to wait at least another 45 minutes to check Jada to make sure she's going to make it through the night okay.  Never in a million years would I have believed you if had told me that when my baby was 3 1/2 years old would I still worry about her in the middle of the night.  You know what it's like when you bring your newborn home- wondering why they're sleeping so long and hoping to see their little tummy moving up and down rhythmically when you go in to check on them.  Being extra quiet so you can hear them breathe in and out.  Remember those times when they took a deep breath in...then held it long enough for you to begin to panic ever so slightly, then you heard the soft sound of them breathing out, then getting back into their rhythmic breathing pattern?

I do all of that again with Jada.  She crawled into bed with me early this morning.  I wasn't concerned with her being low- at her check last night she was at a perfect number for getting through the night.  As she lay there and fell asleep, I was just naturally in tune with her breathing and there was a moment when she drew in a deep breath and didn't let it out for a very long (or so it seemed) time.  Until this moment, I was never really struck with how much I do this.  Day and night.  For her nap, I am in her room every 20 minutes or so just to make sure she hasn't dropped on me.  Until I go to bed at night, I check on her about every 30 minutes just to make sure I see that little chest raising up and down.

I also remember that feeling of wanting my kids to just get a "little" older so that I could experience a little more freedom.  Not having to worry about midnight feedings and whether or not they could die from something like SIDS.   Midnight feedings happen more often now than they did when my kids were babies.  And now I know that she has something potentially life threatening and it will kill her if I'm not vigilant.  Vigilance is hard and tiring and there are so many days that I long for my pre-diabetes life.  I'm tired of this disease.