Ok- so I just finished my last post a few minutes ago and then went to check Jada's blood sugar. She was at 121, which is actually a great number for her. However, it's not high enough to get her through until morning. So, I attempted to wake her up and feed her some cookies from a 100 calorie snack pack. While I never got her eyes open, I managed to feed her the cookies one by one- it took about 15 minutes to do it. While I was feeding her, I started to think about the most frequent question I get asked- which is- What has life been like since your little girl was diagnosed?
It has been like bringing our first child home from the hospital. I was nervous about everthing. With a newborn, you worry about sickness, whether they are eating enough, going to the bathroom enough, whether or not they are sleeping enough- wondering why their eyes keep crossing and if they will ever be able to focus. Nursing was difficult with my first child- he was a better sleeper than eater. I was exhausted from trying to feed him in the middle of the night when he really needed to eat, and he just wouldn't wake up unless you got him completely naked!. I would find diapers that had been changed in the middle of the night in different places around the house. Can't tell you how many I would find underneath our bed. I didn't want anyone else to care for our new little one- in my mind, I was barely capable, how could I dare let anyone else watch him? And the greatest thing that I discovered- was that I had this huge capacity for love that I had not formerly known. I would hold David and cry, just because he was mine- the greatest gift the Lord has ever given Jeff and I. I wanted to hold him tight and not let him go, because if I did, I knew he would grow up on me.
So- now- I worry about Jada getting what should be a simple stomach bug, because it could be life threatening. I worry about what and how much I give to her. Do I give her more if she wants more or do I tell her no? I worry when she is too thirsty and wets the bed at night- because when she does, she is way too high, probably has some ketones going on. I worry when she sleeps too long, because she may have passed out in her sleep and I'm gonna have to use that darn glucagon kit. I'm now feeding another child in the middle of the night- her life depends on it. Now- I find used test strips around the house. I always think I throw them away, but manage to find them in odd places. It's not a good thing to find a used lancet on the floor, it kind of hurts when you step on it. As for caring for her, my goodness. It's incredibly difficult to even leave her in the preschool room at church when I'm in the same building- let alone leave her with a babysitter. We've done it, once- but we left for our date after she had eaten, had a shot and a bedtime snack. Our family members at this point are too terrified of this disease to even think about watching her- and I'm okay with that, but I do think about what would happen to Jada if something happened to Jeff and I.
Most of all, I cry. I cry alot. I cried tonight as I held her and helped her get those cookies down. I cry over her several nights a week before I go to bed while praying over her. I hold her a little longer when she wants to cuddle with me. I ask God to heal her and take this from her, but then tell him, "She's yours. She really belongs to You. If this disease brings you greater glory and creates a greater dependence on You for myself, and for Jada, then don't take it away, because we will be better for it."
So, for you parents, who have kids that are newly diagnosed, hang in there. Obviously, you've had a newborn and you made it through some of those slightly scary times- you can make it through this, too!